Lt. Dixon Piper: "What is the plan?"
MacGruber: "Well I don't use guns. So I am gonna use homemade explosives that I made with my own two..."
[explosion]

Relationships are for people who are waiting for something better to come along.

Sara

It's ok we all get stomachaches Mr Big Foot.

Dracula

Ohhh, sexy girlfriend!... Bonzai!

Long Duk Dong

Private Reiben: I got a bad feeling about this one.
Captain Miller: When was the last time you felt good about anything?

You're a magician, not a wizard.

Cutter

These waves are for the big boys.

Eden

Mayor Vaughn: I'm only trying to say that Amity is a summer town. We need summer dollars. Now, if the people can't swim here, they'll be glad to swim at the beaches of Cape Cod, the Hamptons, Long Island...
Brody: That doesn't mean we have to serve them up as smorgasbord!

The stress is killing me.

Mikey Abromowitz

Kirk: You're suffering from a Vulcan mind-meld, doctor.
McCoy: That green-blooded son of a bitch! It's his revenge for all the arguments he lost.

Carolyn Burnham: What are you doing?
Lester Burnham: Nothing.
Carolyn Burnham: You were masturbating!
Lester Burnham: I was not.
Carolyn Burnham: Yes you were!
Lester Burnham: Oh, all right! So shoot me, I was whacking off! That's right, I was choking the bishop, chafing the carrot, you know, saying "hi" to my monster!

News Producer: [at the site of a plane crash] Were you on that plane?
Ray Ferrier: No.
News Producer: Too bad. It would have made a hell of a story.
[shuts news van door and drives off]

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