Dagmar: Don't you want to be an uncle?
Lars Lindstrom: Don't you want to be a mom?
Dagmar: [pauses, whispers] Yes. But I'm not able to have children of my own.

Gabrilla Montez: Did you ever feel like there was a whole other person inside you just looking for a way to come out?
Taylor: No. Not really.

Tom: You told me that it was gonna be two years. It's sort of like when you're on a treadmill, and you tell yourself "I want to run five miles today" and now, it's forever miles...
Violet: When was the last time you were on a treadmill? Sorry...

Chaos was what killed the dinosaurs, darling

J.D.

Skipper: Follow me, boys! We're going in hot!
Private: [his butt goes on fire] Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot!
Skipper: No one likes a show off, Private.

You and Rowdy have the same sickness, it's called denial and it's probably going to kill you both.

Dr. Claire Lewicki

Miles Raymond: Hey, what should I wear?
Jack: I don't know, something casual but nice. They think you're a writer.

Wax on, wax off.

Metatron

What do they think I am? Dumb or something? Why, I make more money than - than - than Calvin Coolidge! Put together!

Lina Lamont

There is no charge for awesomeness... or attractiveness.

Po

[to Ulysses S. Grant] Each of us has made it possible for the other to do terrible things.

Abraham Lincoln

You know, they should come with a warning. Earrings may come with *penis!*

Jessica (in Clive's body)

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