[Jerry, Henri Baurel and Adam are at the café, talking. Adam desperately tries to prevent the other two men from revealing to each other they love the same woman by distracting them] Did I ever tell you about the time I gave a command performance for Hitler?

Adam Cook

Senior Ed Bloom: I've told you a thousand facts, Will, that's what I do. I tell stories.
Will Bloom: You tell lies, Dad.

Sporty Lewis: Is that a ghost I'm seeing? An apparition? Or is it James J. Braddock the Bulldog of Burgen?
Jim Braddock: Sporty Lewis, how ya doing?

John McClane: Drop it, dickhead. It's the police.
Tony: You're not going to hurt me.
John McClane: Oh, yeah? Why not?
Tony: Because you're a policeman. There are rules for policemen.
John McClane: Yeah. That's what my captain keeps telling me.

Caitlin Bree: Can I use the bathroom?
Randal Graves: Sure, but there's no light back there.
Caitlin Bree: Why aren't there any lights?
Randal Graves: Well, there are, but for some reason they stop working at 5:14 every night. Nobody can figure it out. And the boss doesn't want to pay the electrician to fix it, because the electrician owes money to the video store.
Caitlin Bree: Such a sordid state of affairs.
Randal Graves: And I'm caught right in the middle - torn between my loyalty to the boss and my desire to piss with the lights on.
Caitlin Bree: Well, I'll try to manage.
Randal Graves: Oh, hey Caitlin, break his heart again this time, and I'll kill ya. Nothing personal.

Last name? I'd rather not say. My brother's in politics.

Raoul Duke

MacGregor: We heard about what was happenin' and didn't want you "Amadans" to have all the fun.
William Wallace: Some of us are in this; the rest of you, go home.
MacGregor: Go home to what? Our houses and farms burned when the English garrison comes down from the castle? And you know they will!

Spider: [hesitating] Why don't you go fuck yourself, Tommy?
Conway: [stunned silence] Whoa! Can't believe what I just heard. Hey Spider, here. This is for you.
Jimmy Conway: Attaboy! I got respect for this kid. He's got a lot of fucking balls. Good for you! Don't take no shit off nobody.

[during her "No Penis Intended" comedy routine after the nominations] Yes, I suppose I'll forgive him... in HELL! HA HA HA HA!

Callie Webb

We can teach these barbarians a lesson in Western methods and efficiency that will put them to shame. We'll show them what the British soldier is capable of doing.

Colonel Nicholson

Beatrice McCready: You took Amanda with you?
Helene McCready: Well, what am I gonna' do? Leave her in the car, Bea? I don't got no daycare. It's really hard bein' a mother. It's hard raisin a family, you know? All on my own. But God made you barren, so you wouldn't fuckin' know. So I understand, Bea, okay?
Beatrice McCready: You are an abomination.

Pam Byrnes: Did you tell your mother that I'm pregnant? Because she keeps touching my stomach and smiling like that.
Greg Focker: No, I didn't tell her. She guessed.
Pam Byrnes: She what?
Greg Focker: Yeah, and then she told my dad.
Pam Byrnes: Oh, my God.

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