Hey. The only ass-kicking that's gonna be done around here is gonna be done by me.

Sal

Captain von Trapp: They haven't complained yet.
Maria: Well, they wouldn't dare! They love you too much. They "fear" you too much!
Captain von Trapp: I don't wish you to discuss my children in this manner.
Maria: Well, you've got to hear from someone! You're never home long enough to know them.
Captain von Trapp: I said I don't want to hear anymore from you about my children!
Maria: I know you don't, but you've got to! Now, take Liesl.
Captain von Trapp: [hesitatingly] You will not say one word about Liesl, Fraulein.
Maria: She's not a child anymore, and one of these days, you're going to wake up and find that she's a woman. You won't even know her. And Friedrich, he's a boy, but he wants to be a man and there's no one to show him how.
Captain von Trapp: Don't you dare tell me about my son.
Maria: Brigitta could tell you about him if you let her get close to you. She notices everything.
Captain von Trapp: Fraulein...
Maria: And Kurt pretends he's tough not to show how hurt he is when you brush him aside,
Captain von Trapp: That will do!
Maria: the way you do all of them. Louisa I don't even know about yet,
Captain von Trapp: I said that will do!
Maria: but somebody has to find out about her, and the little ones just want to be loved. Oh, please, Captain, love them! Love them all!
Captain von Trapp: I don't care to hear anything further from you about my children.
Maria: I am not finished yet, Captain!
Captain von Trapp: Oh, yes, you are, Captain!
[pauses, then corrects himself]
Captain von Trapp: Fraulein!

My grandfather used to work for your grandfather. Of course the rates have gone up.

Igor

Phil: Wow! Looking foxy tonight man! Tell me, is your troop gonna be selling cookies this year?
Larry: [Sarcastically] Oh that's so funny Phil!

l assume you're watching these because you're curious about sex... you know. Or filmmaking.

Helen

[to Johnny] That bag over there are letters 10 to 1 from girls. 10 to 1, and they're obscene. Reba's been trying to answer some of them but half of them ain't even 15, and they're sending pictures of themselves in bathing suits. Pictures for you to look at while you're doing time at Folsom.

Vivian Cash

If I do not have the three of you married before michaelmas, it will not be my fault.

Mrs Jennings

Doug Madsen: Did he just say "cracker"?
Dudley Frank: "Cracker-ass."
Doug Madsen: Oh, perfect.

Sally Albright: I have just as much of a dark side as the next person.
Harry Burns: Oh, really? When I buy a new book, I read the last page first. That way, in case I die before I finish, I know how it ends. That, my friend, is a dark side.

General George Armstrong Custer: Any questions?
[Sacajawea raises her hand]
General George Armstrong Custer: [Mumbles her name]
Sacajawea: That is not my name.
General George Armstrong Custer: Sacajamea?
Sacajawea: No.
General George Armstrong Custer: Sac, Sack-in-a-box?
Sacajawea: No.
General George Armstrong Custer: Cinco De Mayo. Mission Accomplished.

Lewis Rothschild: But we're not gonna stay at 41. The numbers are gonna go back up.
[listens]
Lewis Rothschild: But they're gonna go back up.
[listens]
Lewis Rothschild: All right George...
[listens]
Lewis Rothschild: Congressman...
[listens]
Lewis Rothschild: Congressman Jarrett...
[listens]
Lewis Rothschild: Look George, listen to me... it's crunch time. It's personal. This is one of those moments. It's just you and the President. Now what's it gonna be? Yeah.
[listens]
Lewis Rothschild: Yeah.
[shakes his head]
Lewis Rothschild: All right George, can I tell you something? We're gonna win this thing. We're gonna get the votes we need and we're gonna win this thing. And you know what I'm gonna do after that, I mean that very night, I'm gonna go to Sam & Harry's, I'm gonna order a big steak, and I'm gonna make a list of everybody who tried to fuck us this week.
Robin McCall: Lewis!
Lewis Rothschild: [into phone] Well just Vote your conscience, you chicken shit, lame-ass...
[slams the phone down]
Lewis Rothschild: We lost Jarrett.
Leon Kodak: I hope so. 'Cause, you know, if that was an "undecided," then we need to work on our people skills.

Tommy Corn: Ah, here he comes!
Albert Markovski: Oh, boy.
Tommy Corn: The man-poet who banged France's dark lady of philosophy. The parking lot crusader of truth... who turned his back on his other like a cold-blooded gangsta.

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