[using profanity for the first time] Oh, shit.

Data

We'll be doing this for real tomorrow night and I don't want nobody to remember some stupid joke like that and get it going again. You ever try to not to laugh in church when something funny gets stuck in your head? Same goddamn thing.

Paul Edgecomb

[on the Winter Soldier] He's fast... strong... and has a metal arm.

Steve Rogers

Augustus Waters: What's your story?
Hazel Grace Lancaster: I was diagnosed when I was 13...
Augustus Waters: No no no, Your real story.
Hazel Grace Lancaster: I am quite unextraordinary.
Augustus Waters: I reject that.

I feel like Danny Glover before he got too old for this shit.

Justin

Who died and made you fucking king of the zombies?

Ed

I don't know how to be no crib on MTV, God only knows, got my mini-me and the GP see how it goes. Evil's all that I see, you ask me my name? D to the rizzo, E to the vizzo, I to the lizzo. I'm a crazy motherfucker, y'all knew that. Austin caught me in the first act, it's all backwards, what's up with that? So I'll make a prophecy from the dogs to the mini-me. Gimme and Escalade, two way, bling-bling on eBay. DOMINO, motherfucker!

Dr. Evil

JB: I've had this birth mark since I was born!
KG: I have ass-mark too!

When something happens to you that hasn't happened before, don't you at least have to find out what it is?

Julian Mercer

[to Alison] Are you the lady who doesn't realize she's pregnant until she's sitting on the toilet and the kid pops out?

Debbie

Hitch: [talking about when kissing going 90 per cent then he goes 10] All right show me the magic.
Albert: OK.
[going to kiss Hitch]
Hitch: [after being kissed] What the hell?
Albert: Well, you said show me the magic
Hitch: Yeah, but you go 90 then I go 10. You don't go the whole hundred, you over-eager son of a... BLECH!

Bobby Ray: What'd I ever do to you?
Melanie Carmichael: Oh, you didn't do anything to me, darlin'... or any other girl in town!

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