Tommy Johnson: I had to be up at that there crossroads last midnight, to sell my soul to the devil.
Ulysses Everett McGill: Well, ain't it a small world, spiritually speaking. Pete and Delmar just been baptized and saved. I guess I'm the only one that remains unaffiliated.

Reports of my assimilation have been greatly exaggerated.

Captain Jean-Luc Picard

"If you're asking me if we have dangerous persons on board this train, I can assure you the answer is no."

Colonel Nelec

This place is awesome, now I can finally get hepatitis.


J. Jonah Jameson: I'll give you $150.00 for it!
Spider-Man: $300.00
J. Jonah Jameson: That's Outrageous! Done.

Maria: I'd like to thank each and every one of you for the precious gift you left in my pocket today.
Captain von Trapp: Um, what gift?
Maria: It's meant to be a secret, Captain, between the children and me.
Captain von Trapp: Uh-huh. Then I suggest that you keep it, and let us eat.
Maria: Knowing how nervous I must have been, a stranger in a new household, knowing how important it was for me to feel accepted. It was so kind and thoughtful of you to make my first moments here so warm and happy and... pleasant.
[All the while, the children look guilty. Marta starts to cry]
Captain von Trapp: What is the matter, Marta?
Marta: Nothing.
[Louisa, Brigitta and Gretl join in, while Liesl, Friedrich and Kurt continue to look guilty]
Captain von Trapp: Uh, Fräulein... is it to be at every meal, or merely at dinnertime, that you, uh, intend leading us all through this rare and wonderful new world of... indigestion?
Maria: Oh, they're all right, Captain. They're just happy.
[All of the girls, except Liesl, continue to cry out of guilt]

Only my friends can call me a little wop!

Angelo Maggio

He never even looked her up down there! He was down there closing his deal with the Rice-a-Roni people the whole time!


Ages three and up! It's on my box! Ages three and up! I'm not supposed to be babysitting Princess Drool!

Mr. Potato Head

Jenna: What happened?
Matt: I don't know. I can pretty much peg it to your 13th birthday party, when you were in the closet playing that game. Spin the Rapist?
Jenna: Seven Minutes in Heaven.

Steven Taylor's greatest hits.

David Shaw

Jake Hardin: So - how's the new job working out?
Ashley Albright: Well, I can't complain.
Jake Hardin: That's good.
Ashley Albright: No, I mean I'm literally not allowed to complain. I had to sign something.

FREE Movie Newsletter