Joe: [wearing sunglasses at night with two other members of the Pharoh's gang] Whadaya doin' creep?
Curt Henderson: Who, me?
Joe: No, I'm talkin' to the other fifty creeps here. You know Gil Gonzales?
Curt Henderson: Gil Gonzales? No. No, I don't.
Joe: Don't know Gil huh? Well you oughta. He's a friend of ours and that's his car you got your butt parked on.

Elliot: [when Boog asks where are the toilets in the forest] Don't look now, but I see a little bush with your name written all over it.
Boog: A bush? Are you serious?
Elliot: Go on. Its just like riding a bicycle, only... you're crapping on it.

I better have my lawyer take a look at these. I'm just a simple country boy. There's all kinds of big words in here I can't even pronounce. Hell, you might be takin' me to the cleaners for all I know.

Jake

Detective Dolly: Nobody reported any gunshots.
Paul Smecker: This is an Irish neighborhood. I'm surprised you even got a phone call.

Holy crap on a shit sandwich!

Drillbit Taylor

Alan Garner: [while picking up Phil at the school where he works] Did you have to park so close?
Doug Billings: Yeah, what's wrong?
Alan Garner: I shouldn't be here.
Doug Billings: Why is that, Alan?
Alan Garner: I'm not supposed to be within two hundred feet of a school... or a Chuck E. Cheese.

All's fair in love and basketball.

Quincy

Roger Thornhill: You're police, aren't you? Or is it FBI?
The Professor: FBI, CIA, ONI... we're all in the same alphabet soup.

Employer: Did I say you could sit?
Carson Wells: No, but you strike me as a man who wouldn't want to waste his chair.

Miles Raymond: Let me show you how this is done. First thing, hold the glass up and examine the wine against the light. You're looking for color and clarity. Just, get a sense of it. OK? Uhh, thick? Thin? Watery? Syrupy? OK? Alright. Now, tip it. What you're doing here is checking for color density as it thins out towards the rim. Uhh, that's gonna tell you how old it is, among other things. It's usually more important with reds. OK? Now, stick your nose in it. Don't be shy, really get your nose in there. Mmm... a little citrus... maybe some strawberry...
[smacks lips]
Miles Raymond: ... passion fruit...
[puts hand up to ear]
Miles Raymond: ... and, oh, there's just like the faintest soupçon of like asparagus and just a flutter of a, like a, nutty Edam cheese...
Jack: Wow. Strawberries, yeah! Strawberries. Not the cheese...

Lawyer: Can I tell you something? When the beach party is over, you don't get to say. "You know what? Now I think I'd like to have what everybody else has worked their entire life for." It doesn't work that way.
Aileen: Fuck you, man. Yeah, FUCK YOU! YOU DON'T FUCKIN' KNOW ME!
Lawyer: Okay, great. That's great. See, now I'm so sorry I didn't hire you before.

"Ricky Martin"? You named your kid "Ricky Martin"?

Ryan

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