Larry Liddle: Does the Congressman only hire beautiful women?
Charlie's Angel #2: As the Congressman says, "you can teach them to type, but you can't teach them to grow tits."

Nash: You once said that God must be a painter because he gave us so many colors.
Alicia: I didn't think you were listening...
Nash: I was listening.

[to Dr. Peter] I was punched in the face. What's your excuse?

Max Fischer

Martine Love: I know you, Terry. And I know your mates. You've always been looking for the big score. The one that makes sense of everything. I have it for you.
Terry Leather: What?
Martine Love: A bank.
Terry Leather: A bank, as in rob? How would you know about a bank?
Martine Love: I've been seeing this guy, runs his own business - security systems. Next month they're installing new alarms in a bank in Marylebone. Seems like the trains have been setting off the tremble alarms in the vault, and so they've had to turn them off. So for a week or so, they won't have any.
Terry Leather: Now why would he tell you all this?
Martine Love: We were having a laugh about it. Imagine if half the villains in London knew about this, he said. And I thought, I know half the villains in London. I grew up with some of them.

Torrance Shipman: Shut up, moron!
Justin Shipman: It's not my fault you're in love with a big gay cheerleader who won't return your phone calls.
Torrance Shipman: Aaron isn't gay!
Justin Shipman: Oh, so someone just made him become a cheerleader?
Torrance Shipman: He's just busy!
Justin Shipman: Yeah, busy scamming on guys!
Torrance Shipman: Give me that!
[rips out Justin's Nintendo game]
Justin Shipman: Bitch!

Larry Johnson: Sorry about the...
Foster: All right meow. (1) Hand over your license and registration.

Samantha: How do you share your life with somebody?
Theodore: Well, we grew up together and I used to read all of her writing and her Masters and PhD. She read every word I ever wrote. We were a big influence on each other.
Samantha: In what way did you influence her?
Theodore: She came from a background where nothing was ever good enough. And I assumed that weighed heavy on her. But in our house together, it was a sense of just trying stuff and allowing each other to fail and to be excited about things. That was liberating for her. It was exciting to see her grow and both of us grow and change together. But that's also the hard part
Samantha: Yeah, I know what you mean.

News Producer: [at the site of a plane crash] Were you on that plane?
Ray Ferrier: No.
News Producer: Too bad. It would have made a hell of a story.
[shuts news van door and drives off]

Brodie: You know about this game show they got goin' on here? We need you guys to somehow ensure that it doesn't happen.
Jay: Is that it? We were gonna do that anyway.
Brodie: Really? Why?
Jay: What else are we gonna do?

[to Evan] I love you!... I mean, I think we should hang out socially... I have a new ping pong table.

Eugene

Why do you sound like Evan but look like a Bee Gee?

Rita

Will Munny: It's a hell of a thing, killing a man. Take away all he's got and all he's ever gonna have.
The Schofield Kid: Yeah, well, I guess he had it coming.
Will Munny: We all got it coming, kid.

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