Peter Parker: A hundred bucks? The ad said three thousand.
Wrestling Promoter: Well, check it again, web head. The ad said three grand, for three minutes, and you pinned him in two. For that I give you a hundred, and you're lucky to get that.
Peter Parker: I need that money.
Wrestling Promoter: I missed the part where that's my problem.

Go... catch a chicken.

Baroness Rodmilla De Ghent

Well, Joel, you've done a lot of solid work here, but it's just not Ivy League, now is it?

Rutherford

Welcome To Hotel Transylvania!

Dracula

You guys are pros. The best. I'm sure you can make it out of the casino. Of course, lest we forget, once you're out the front door, you're still in the middle of the fucking desert!

Reuben

Leslie: Da na da na!
Penny: You're wearing nut-huggers!

Festival Director: [translating] That's an endangered species at most. What would be the scientific purpose of killing it?
Steve Zissou: Revenge.

Mr. Beauregarde: Violet, what are you doing now? You're blowing up!
Violet Beauregarde: I feel funny!
Grandpa Joe: I'm not surprised.

Cornelius Fudge: Now write your name only.
Dumbledore: It's quite a long name.

Danny: Hi.
Tess: Hi. We need to get Rusty a girl.
Rusty: There's a women's prison down the road.
Danny: [notices her wedding ring] You said that you sold this.
Tess: I said that.
Danny: Liar.
Tess: Thief.

Sherman Schrader: Right, you date Monica Morlan
Hoyt Ambrose: That I do
Sherman Schrader: Right, I think of her while I masturb...

Jack Byrnes: What are you guys doing in here?
Larry: Looks like rounding second base.

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