Rick: What'd you do this time?
Jonathan: Well, I haven't done anything to anybody.
[bullets fly through the door]
Jonathan: ...lately.

Think about it, you've skipped a year. That's a lot of sex. That's like, thirty minutes worth for you.


There was a time when a pirate was free to make his own way in the world. But our time is comin' to an end. Our enemies are united; they vow to destroy us. The Pirate Lords from the four corners of the Earth, must stand together.


[thinking] All right this is it. It is finally time for Kenny Fisher to become... da man. Now I've done my laps, and all ten finalists are present and accounted for. Ten lovely ladies, yo. Each one at my disposal. Ten willing and able tour guides into the theme park of love. But who will it be? Which of you gorgeous ten will be the lucky one?

Kenny Fisher

Legalize it

Deputy Clementine Johnson

Look, if you're going to do this, you're going to do this... You can't build cover stories around a movie that doesn't exist. You need a script, you need a producer.

John Chambers

It's crushing you, from the inside out.


Debbie Larson: Love that new haircut.
Bucky Larson: I get a lot of compliments on it. Thanks Mom!
Debbie Larson: Don't thank me, thank the bowl.

Hagrid: Blimey, I'd love a dragon.
Harry: You'd like a dragon?
Hagrid: Vastly misunderstood beasts, Harry. Vastly misunderstood.

These children haven't been properly parented in many years. They're practically feral. That's why I was brought in.

Chuck Wetherhold

I use so much hand lotion anymore when I am masturbating that when I see people in public using lotion I'm thinking, holy shit their about to jerk off.

Ira Wright

This is Jason Bourne, the toughest target that you have ever tracked. He is really good at staying alive, and trying to kill him and failing... just pisses him off.

Pamela Landy

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