Samantha: So what was it like being married?
Theodore: Well, it's hard, for sure. But there's something that feels so good about sharing your life with somebody.

Harry: One time, we successfully mated a bulldog with a Shih-Tzu.
Mary: Really? That's weird.
Harry: Yeah, we called it a bullshit.

Hutch: [Reading Starsky's report on him] "cavorting with nefarious characters". "conduct unbecoming an officer".
Starsky: Come on. I wrote that thing two weeks ago, things are totally cool with us now.
Hutch: Did you go through my locker?
Starsky: No.
Hutch: You went through my locker.
Starsky: I mean, I may have looked through it while it was open but...
Hutch: If you've got a problem with someone you tell it to their face, you come to them as a man. You don't go behind their back, write a thesis and try to get transferred to another precinct.

Lt. Frank Drebin: Now, Jane, what can you tell us about the man you saw last night?
Jane Spencer: He's Caucasian.
Ed Hocken: Caucasian?
Jane Spencer: Yeah, you know, a white guy. A moustache. About six-foot-three.
Lt. Frank Drebin: Awfully big moustache.

I'm having a kid. Your little boy's growing up, I got a girl pregnant, now I gotta go visit her. She lives in Reno, I don't know how I'm gonna get there. Probably have to take Mom's car. But, we're gonna live together. We're gonna live in the trailer park. Her name's Shirley, she's real great.

Kale

Congratulations, Kate. I want to reward you with five minutes of uninterrupted eye contact.

Barry

I just wanna junk-punch him in his man business.

Tipper

You know, Sir, I do admire you, and I sure would like to touch the gun that's gonna kill Billy the Kid.

William H. Bonney

It is said that his enemies would go blind from over-exposure to pure awesomeness!

Po

Captain Jack Sparrow: The fountain of youth, what does it require?
Angelica: A Mermaid, Jack.

It's customary to sneak out after communion.

Father Brian Finn

Cobb: I came here to tell you... something.
[pause]
Cobb: Something that... you once knew to be true.
Saito: [remembering] Impossible...

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