Go... catch a chicken.

Baroness Rodmilla De Ghent

Commander Anderson: Sir, we know why you're out here. God knows, I agree with you. But like you, I swore to defend this country against all enemies, foreign, sir... and domestic. General, we've spilled the same blood in the same mud. And you know god damn well I can't give that order.
Navy SEAL: We're dead!
General Hummel: Your unit is covered from an elevated position, Commander. I'm not gonna ask you again. Don't do anything stupid. No-one has to die here.
Commander Anderson: You men following the General: you're under oath as United States Marines, have you forgotten that? We all have shipmates we remember, some of them were shit on and pissed on by the Pentagon. But that doesn't give you the right to mutiny!
General Hummel: You call it what you want! You're down there, we're up here! You walked into the wrong goddamn room, Commander!

Kumar: How were Katie Holmes' tits?
Goldstein: You know the Holocaust?
Kumar: Yeah?
Goldstein: Picture the opposite of that!
Kumar: Nice!

Thirty, flirty and thriving.


[Tristan is on the ground and Primus has his sword at his throat]
Primus: If Septimus insists on sending a boy to do a man's job...
Tristan: No! Please, I don't know Septimus. I just need a lift. Look at me, I'm unarmed. Please. Please, let me ride with you.
[Primus returns to his carriage and Tristan stands up and follows him]
Primus: I'm afraid that's impossible. I'm on a quest of enormous importance.
[Gets on the carriage]
Tristan: All the better reason to take me with you. Maybe you'll need a second pair of hands. Sir, please. Maybe Providence sent me to you as it sent you to me.
Primus: Get on.

Blue Collar Man: Excuse me, I don't mean to interrupt, but what are you talking about?
Randal Graves: The ending of "Return of the Jedi".
Dante Hicks: My friend here is trying to convince me that any independent contractors working on the uncompleted Death Star were innocent victims when it was destroyed by the Rebels.

[Rabbit's car has just shorted out] I ain't gettin' back in that piece of shit...


Fucking sadists. Fucking sadists!


You shine up like a new penny.

Molly Brown

Don't worry Bob I'll get her. And her little dog too.

Rep. Rudd

Christopher Pike: This is Captain Christopher Pike. To whom am I speaking?
Nero: Hi, Christopher. I'm Nero.

I can hear it now. He's going to be called the god-damned phonebook killer.

Lieutenant Traxler

FREE Movie Newsletter