Mike Damone: Look at you: member of the honor roll, assistant to the assistant manager of the movie theater. I'm tellin' ya, Rat, if this girl can't smell your qualifications, then who needs her, right?

Mike McDermott: Would you stop fucking around, for five goddamn minutes for once in your fucking life?
Worm: Whoa, Jesus, what happened? My old man just walked in.

Maggie Fitzgerald: Will you tell him I'm real sorry?
Eddie Scrap-Iron Dupris: No. I will do no such thing, Maggie.

I've tried it on, like, 20 Oompa Loompahs and each one ended up as a blueberry. It's just weird!

Willy Wonka

[to his parol officer] I broke down, I went and smoked with the kid that lives across the street from me.

Ned

Salazar Soldier: How did you know?
Javier Rodriguez: A little bird told me.
Salazar Soldier: What is the name of your little bird?
Javier Rodriguez: It doesn't have a name.
Salazar Soldier: Doesn't have a name? I hate the fucking anonymous ones!

Mr. McGuire: I want to say one word to you. Just one word.
Benjamin: Yes, sir.
Mr. McGuire: Are you listening?
Benjamin: Yes, I am.
Mr. McGuire: Plastics.
Benjamin: Just how do you mean that, sir?

Good lord. God protect that poor little stooge.

Oseary Drakoulias

Are you quitting on me? Well, are you? Then quit, you slimy fucking walrus-looking piece of shit! Get the fuck off of my obstacle! Get the fuck down off of my obstacle! NOW! MOVE IT! Or I'm going to rip your balls off, so you cannot contaminate the rest of the world! I will motivate you, Private Pyle, IF IT SHORT-DICKS EVERY CANNIBAL ON THE CONGO!

Gunnery Sergeant Hartman

Mother Paula's is going to be a shining example of my six-point economic development plan, bringing to Coconut Cove over *twelve* new jobs!

Mayor

Can you two stop (expletive) with the Korean Jesus!

Captain Dickson

Biology and the prejudices of others conspired to keep us childless.

H.I.

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