Quint: Hey, Hoop, you wanna feel somethin' permanent? You just put your hand underneath my cap... and you just feel that little lump. Knock an ole un, St. Paddy's day, Boston.
Hooper: I got that beat.
Theodore: Dear Catherine, I've been sitting here thinking about all the things I wanted to apologize to you for. All the pain we caused each other. Everything I put on you. Everything I needed you to be or needed you to say. I'm sorry for that. I'll always love you 'cause we grew up together and you helped make me who I am. I just wanted you to know there will be a piece of you in me always, and I'm grateful for that. Whatever someone you become, and wherever you are in the world, I'm sending you love. You're my friend to the end. Love, Theodore.
Howard Purnell: Have you given your official statement yet, 'cuz I would be VERY cautious about what went IN it.
Nick Memphis: Well, maybe I should wait for the report to come out, read it, and THEN remember.
Mike: Look, we're gonna spend half the night driving around the Hills looking for this one party and you're going to say it sucks and we're all gonna leave and then we're gonna go look for this other party. But all the parties and all the bars, they all suck. I spend half the night talking to some girl who's looking around the room to see if there's somebody else who's more important she should be talking to. And it's like I'm supposed to be all happy 'cause she's wearing a backpack, you know? And half of them are just nasty skanks who wouldn't be nothing except they're surrounded by a bunch of drunken horny assholes. And I'm gonna tell you something T. Are you listening?
Trent: Yeah, I'm listening.
Mike: I'm not gonna be one of those assholes. Alright? It just makes me sick. It's like, some nasty skank who isn't half the woman my girlfriend is, is gonna front me? It makes me want to fuckin' puke!
Personally, I liked the university. They gave us money and facilities, we didn't have to produce anything! You've never been out of college! You don't know what it's like out there! I've *worked* in the private sector. They expect *results*.Dr Ray Stantz
Hey, hey, easy kids. Everybody in the car. Boat leaves in two minutes... or perhaps you don't want to see the second largest ball of twine on the face of the earth, which is only four short hours away?Clark
If I were thinking clearly, Leonard, I would tell you that I wrestle alone in the dark, in the deep dark, and that only I can know. Only I can understand my condition. You live with the threat, you tell me you live with the threat of my extinction. Leonard, I live with it too.Virginia Woolf
Pete: The Preacher said it absolved us.
Ulysses Everett McGill: For him, not for the law. I'm surprised at you, Pete, I gave you credit for more brains than Delmar.
Delmar O'Donnell: But they was witnesses that seen us redeemed.
Ulysses Everett McGill: That's not the issue Delmar. Even if that did put you square with the Lord, the State of Mississippi's a little more hard-nosed.
Ron Burgundy: We've got a job in New York City.
Brian Fantana: Hey Ron, who's driving?
Ron Burgundy: It's okay. It’s on cruise control.
Champ Kind: Why do you have this bag of bowling balls and this terrarium filled with scorpions?
Ron Burgundy: It's a crazy story.
Brian Fantana: Cruise control just regulates speed. It doesn't steer.
Brick Tamland: He says we're all gonna die!
Ron Burgundy: That is going to make one hell of a story.
You have smoked yourself retarded.Thurgood Jenkins
James Carter: Just tell me how the Triads gonna kill us.
Lee: They will torture us for three days.
James Carter: Okay, I can handle that.
Lee: Then they will cut off our eggrolls.
James Carter: Cut off our eggrolls? Oh hell no! We gotta get out of here! Don't give up!
Cotton McKnight: Oh! Right in the testicles!
Pepper Brooks: Ouchtown, population you, bro!