Mr. Potato Head: How come you don't have a laser, Woody?
Woody: It's not a laser. It's a little light bulb that blinks.
Hamm: What's wrong with him?
Mr. Potato Head: Laser envy.

Six weeks ago Abdul here had a one way ticket to an arranged marriage with a broad he never met in Bangladesh. Now he's crushing ass every Thursday night at our mixers


I don't have an iPod. I don't have a phone. They don't let me make calls. I'm going to call Nikki.


Hey, James... you still have anymore of those baby joints?

Mike Connell

Matt Saunders: I'm not going to help you kill her!
Professor Bedlam: Kill? I didn't say "kill"! I said "neutralize"! It's a neutral word... like Switzerland!

Cooper: We wanna get down fast, don't we?
Brand: Actually we want to get there in one piece.
Cooper: Hang on.

Mei-Lei: Can I do anything for you, Mr. Bond?
James Bond: Uh, just a drink. A martini, shaken, not stirred.

Austin: Basil, this coffee smells like shit.
Basil: It is shit, Austin.
Austin: Oh, good, then it's not just me.

Do you think they're your friends? They're not your friends. Do you really think she'll be there when things go bad? Huh? When things go wrong? You think again. Fucking Denise. Denise the piece. Oh, you're gonna give me that cherry pie sweet mama baby.

Frank T.J. Mackey

David Drumlin: I know you must think this is all very unfair. Maybe that's an understatement. What you don't know is I agree. I wish the world was a place where fair was the bottom line, where the kind of idealism you showed at the hearing was rewarded, not taken advantage of. Unfortunately, we don't live in that world.
Ellie Arroway: Funny, I've always believed that the world is what we make of it.

Iris: God, you're square.
Travis Bickle: Hey, I'm not square, you're the one that's square. You're full of shit, man. What are you talking about? You walk out with those fuckin' creeps and low-lifes and degenerates out on the streets and you sell your little pussy for peanuts? For some low-life pimp who stands in the hall? And I'm square? You're the one that's square, man. I don't go screwing fuck with a bunch of killers and junkies like you do. You call that bein' hip? What world are you from?

He better be worth it. He better go home and cure a disease, or invent a longer-lasting light bulb.

Captain Miller

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