You know what? I'm sick of being in the van. You guys are going to be in the van next time. I've been in the van for 15 years, Harry.

Gib

Karen Flores: I know I'm better than what I've been doing all these years, walking around in fuck-me pumps and a tank-top, waiting until it was time to scream.
Chili Palmer: Yeah, but what a scream.
Karen Flores: Oh yeah, it's a real talent. Look, all I'm saying is, what I wouldn't give for the chance to say one really great line. You know, like in that great Bette Davis movie where she says, "I'd kiss you...”
Chili Palmer: "But I just washed my hair."

Jamie: Your're acting like a crazy person, what's going on?
Landon: Right now, you're straddling the state line.
Jamie: OK...
Landon: You're in two places at once.

Miranda Hobbes: [at a bar, drinking Cosmopolitans] Why did we ever stop drinking these?
Bradshaw: Because everyone else started!

Walter Stratford: This morning, I delivered a set of twins to a fifteen-year-old girl, do you know what she said to me?
Bianca: "I'm a crack-whore who should have made my skeazy boyfriend wear a condom"?
Walter Stratford: Close, but no. She said, "I should have listened to my father".
Bianca: She did not.
Walter Stratford: Well, that's what should would have said if she wasn't so doped up!

Cypher: All I do is what he tells me to do. If I had to choose between that and the Matrix, I'd choose the Matrix.
Trinity: The Matrix isn't real.
Cypher: I disagree, Trinity. I think that the Matrix can be more real than this world. All I do is pull a plug here, but there... you have to watch Apoc die.

Harry: Now what?
Hermione: We save Sirius.
Harry: How?
Hermione: No idea.

You know you've reached rock bottom when you're told you have character flaws by a man who hanged his predecessor in a military coup.

Charlie Wilson

I don't think I could ever get used to being poked and prodded. I told my proctologist one time, "Why don't you take me out to dinner and a movie sometime?"

Buck Laughlin

Tommy: Let's think about this for a sec, Ted, why would somebody put a guarantee on a box? Hmmm, very interesting.
Ted Nelson, Customer: Go on, I'm listening.
Tommy: Here's the way I see it, Ted. Guy puts a fancy guarantee on a box 'cause he wants you to fell all warm and toasty inside.
Ted Nelson, Customer: Yeah, makes a man feel good.
Tommy: 'Course it does. Why shouldn't it? Ya figure you put that little box under your pillow at night, the Guarantee Fairy might come by and leave a quarter, am I right, Ted?

Bethany: McHenry is pretty far from Jersey, might I ask what brings you guys to Illinois?
Jay: Some fuck named John Hughes.
Bethany: "16 Candles" John Hughes?
Jay: You know him too? That fucking guy.

Mel: What the hell is that?
Cher: A dress.
Mel: Says who?
Cher: Calvin Klein.

FREE Movie Newsletter