Bella, would you please stop trying to take your clothes off?

Edward Cullen

Mater: "You know I am just a tow car."
Finn McMissile: "It is his cover."
(Mater makes goofy noises, sticking out his tongue and rattling his carburetor)
Finn McMissile: "Brilliant."

[Marty wakes up in Lorraine's bed]
Marty McFly: Mom... is that you?
Lorraine Baines: There, there now. Just relax.
[pats a damp cloth on Marty's forehead]
Lorraine Baines: You've been asleep for almost nine hours now.
Marty McFly: I had a horrible nightmare. I dreamed that I went... back in time. It was terrible.
Lorraine Baines: Well... You're safe and sound now, back in good old 1955.
Marty McFly: [opens his eyes wide] 1955?

Sergeant Al Powell: In fact, I think he's a cop. Maybe not LAPD, but he's definitely a badge.
Dwayne T. Robinson: How do you know that?
Sergeant Al Powell: A hunch, things he said. Like being able to spot a phony ID.
Dwayne T. Robinson: Jesus Christ, Powell, he could be a fucking bartender for all we know.

Anyone else would have left you by now, but I'm sticking with you. And if I have to ride your ass like Zorro, you're gonna show me the money.

Rod Tidwell

Keith Frazier: C'mon let's go down the street to the bar. I'll buy you a drink
Dalton Russell: Thanks but I'm trying to stay away from bars right now if you know what I mean.

Hey, James... you still have anymore of those baby joints?

Mike Connell

Brandi: Second suitor, would you ever make whoopie in public?
Brodie: I already did once today.
[clicks his finger at Renee]
Brodie: But my cousin Walter jerked off in public once. True story. He was on a plane to New Mexico when all of the sudden the hydraulics went. The plane started spinning around, going out of control, so he decides it's all over and whips it out and starts beating it right there. So all the other passengers take a cue from him and they start whipping it out and beating like mad. So all the passengers are beating off, plummeting to their certain doom, when all of the sudden, *Snap* the hydraulics kick back in. The plane rights itself and it land safely and everyone puts their pieces or, whatever, you know, away and deboard. No one mentions the phenomenon to anyone else.
Gil Hicks: Well, did he cum, or what?
Brodie: Jesus Christ, man. There's just some things you don't talk about in public.

Randal Graves: Well I don't wanna jerk off in the Mooby's bathroom. What if a customer comes in and my jerkin' off gets him all sex nuts and retard strong, and suddenly I'm fighting him off as he tries to jam my dick in his mouth?
Dante Hicks: The most likeliest of scenarios.

Director Gordon: And you say that he can dance?
Nora: He's... adequate.
Tyler Gage: Adequate?
Director Gordon: See. That's my concern. He's not taking this seriously.
Tyler Gage: Look, I'm sorry. It's just... ya'll are talking about dancing like it's rocket science or something.
Nora: It's just for a couple of weeks. Until Andrew gets better.
Tyler Gage: Yeah.
Director Gordon: This would be your risk Nora. It's your Senior piece.
Nora: I know.
Director Gordon: Well, don't make me regret my decision.
Nora: [talking to Tyler] 2:30 tomorrow. Bring your tights.
Tyler Gage: Tights? Wait. What?

Rusty: Tell me this is not about her, or I am walking. I am walking off this job right now.
Danny: Who?
Rusty: Tess. Terry Benedict. Tell me this is not about screwing the guy who's screwing your wife.
Danny: Ex-wife.
Rusty: Tell me.
Danny: It's not about that. [pauses] It's not entirely about that.

Well, no offense, but if that is a woman it looks like she was beaten with an ugly stick!

Austin Powers

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