Your shower shoes have fungus on them. You'll never make it to the bigs with fungus on your shower shoes. Think classy, you'll be classy. If you win 20 in the show, you can let the fungus grow back and the press'll think you're colorful. Until you win 20 in the show, however, it means you are a slob.

Crash Davis

Guy on the Couch: Hey, is it January?
Thurgood Jenkins: No, it's August.
Guy on the Couch: Really?

Odin: Thor, Odin's Son, through your arrogance and stupidity, you have opened these peaceful realms and innocent lives to the horror and devastation of war...
Odin: You are a vain, greedy, cruel boy.
Thor: And you are an old man, and a fool!
Odin: Yes... I was a fool to think you were ready.

Regan MacNeil: But ya like him.
Chris MacNeil: Of course I like him. I like pizzas too, but I'm not gonna marry one.

We are not things. We are not things!

Miss Giddy

Shaun: I don't think I've got it in me to shoot my mum, roommate, and girlfriend all in one day...
Liz: Who said I was taking you back?

You gotta have presence on the court. Presence like a cheetah rather than a chimp. Sure, they both got it, but Chimpy gotta jump his nuts around to get it. The shy cheetah moves with total nonchalance, stickin' it to them in his sexy, slow strut. Me? I play like a cheetah.

Jim

I talked to the woman in musical therapy, and she said that Mozart's the boy for you.

Midge

Burger Shack Employee: You guys might have wanted to stay away from our special sauce tonight. Me and Pookie, we added a secret ingredient. I'll give you a hint. It's semen.
[bursts out laughing]
Harold: [Smirks] Semen.
Burger Shack Employee: Animal semen.
[Harold and Kumar scream and drive off as fast as possible]

Don't worry, Abe. I won't kill him. I'm just gonna kick his ass.

Hellboy

Captain? As you have no First Officer I respectfully submit my candidacy. I can provide character references if you wish.

Spock

I have this cousin Marcus who saw one he said it blew his mind I want to make sure I never ever miss out on a Haley's comet.

Alan Garner

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