[to Sweeney] May the good Lord smile on you.

Signor Adolfo Pirelli

They think I do not know a buttload of crap about the Gospel, but I do!

Nacho

Stacy: Happy anniversary, Wayne.
Wayne Campbell: Stacy, we broke up two months ago.
Stacy: Well, that doesn't mean we can't still go out, does it?
Wayne Campbell: Well, it does actually, that's what breaking up is.

Melissa: You know what? I'm not even going to talk to you. Would you please leave.
Ace Ventura: Why? So you can beat him?
[talking about Melissa's dog]
Ace Ventura: Fatty.
Melissa: You're unbelievable. Hiring you was the biggest mistake I ever made.
Ace Ventura: Well, why don't you cry about it. Saddlebags.

Tom Fox: He doesn't have a passport.
Carl Hanratty: For the last six months, he's gone to Harvard and Berkeley. I'm betting he can get a passport.

You got what you deserved.

California

I'm on their blacklist - their roll of honor!

Rick

If you're afraid of getting a rotten apple, don't go to the barrel. Get it off the tree.

Malone

There has to be a mathematical explanation for how bad that tie is.

Nash

Sam Baldwin: What is "tiramisu"?
Jay: You'll find out.
Sam Baldwin: Well, what is it?
Jay: You'll see!
Sam Baldwin: Some woman is gonna want me to do it to her and I'm not gonna know what it is!

When man comes up against something he can't destroy, he destroys himself instead.

Marlow

But if I'm going to have my own law firm by the time I'm 30, I need a boyfriend who's not such a complete bonehead.

Elle

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