Miriam Hart: No girls like her, she is distant, and basically the only people that want to hang out with her are older boys who want to fuck her.
Dan: Oh really? And you find that a big surprise? You let her walk out of the house looking like, fuck, Jodie Foster from Taxi Driver.
Miriam Hart: She dresses the way she wants to. And besides, any daughter who dresses like that only wants one thing.
Dan: A pimp?

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Your goal shouldn't be to buy players. Your goal should be to buy wins. In order buy wins, you need to buys runs.

Peter Brand

Mrs. Connelly: Mr. Rose, could you sprinkle some salt on the steps. They're terribly icy.
Alex Rose: You better not go outside then.
[walks outside and slips on the steps]

I'm the son of two movie stars! That's like uhh, super duper, movie star!

Bucky Larson

There's no "immunity" to bullets!

Jeff Spoder

All right, gentlemen. He's got one barrel left. When he fires that, take out your pistols, and shoot him down like the mangy scoundrel he is!

Little Bill Daggett

Look at me Laurel, I'm the oldest 26 year old in the world.


I love you, I always will. Know that. But I'm not your fucking whore.


Doug Carlin: What if you had to tell someone the most important thing in the world, but you knew they'd never believe you?
Claire Kuchever: I'd try.

I will live with you in this hellhole, but I must express myself. If you don't let me gut out this house and make it my own, I will go insane and I will take you with me!


Short people have long faces, and long people have short faces. Big people have little humor, and little people have no humor at all.

Cosmo Brown

Larry: Is he a good fuck?
Anna: Don't do this.
Larry: Just answer the question! Is he good?
Anna: Yes.
Larry: Better than me?
Anna: Different.
Larry: Better?
Anna: Gentler.
Larry: What does that mean?
Anna: You know what it means.
Larry: Tell me!
Anna: No.
Larry: I treat you like a whore?
Anna: Sometimes.
Larry: Why would that be?

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