Jensen: So what about the other drivers?
Machine-Gun Joe: It's kill or be killed.
Jensen: I can see the appeal.

Mr. Potato Head: How come you don't have a laser, Woody?
Woody: It's not a laser. It's a little light bulb that blinks.
Hamm: What's wrong with him?
Mr. Potato Head: Laser envy.

Six weeks ago Abdul here had a one way ticket to an arranged marriage with a broad he never met in Bangladesh. Now he's crushing ass every Thursday night at our mixers


I don't have an iPod. I don't have a phone. They don't let me make calls. I'm going to call Nikki.


Matt Saunders: I'm not going to help you kill her!
Professor Bedlam: Kill? I didn't say "kill"! I said "neutralize"! It's a neutral word... like Switzerland!

Cooper: We wanna get down fast, don't we?
Brand: Actually we want to get there in one piece.
Cooper: Hang on.

Iris: God, you're square.
Travis Bickle: Hey, I'm not square, you're the one that's square. You're full of shit, man. What are you talking about? You walk out with those fuckin' creeps and low-lifes and degenerates out on the streets and you sell your little pussy for peanuts? For some low-life pimp who stands in the hall? And I'm square? You're the one that's square, man. I don't go screwing fuck with a bunch of killers and junkies like you do. You call that bein' hip? What world are you from?

[to Margie] You know what they're saying about me? Said I lost something. Said I've gone middle-of-the-road. They might as well say the same thing about you. You were the soul of this band, now every time you're around you're just drunk. The drunk soul of a blind junkie. What a lovely couple.

Ray Charles

He better be worth it. He better go home and cure a disease, or invent a longer-lasting light bulb.

Captain Miller

I gotta meet this freakin' bird!


Betina: [from trailer] So you're really free?
Django: Yes.
Betina: You mean, you wanna dress like that ?

Kumar: [walks up to a bush and starts peeing] Ahh.
[Creepy Guy walks up out of nowhere and starts peeing right next to him]
Kumar: 'Scuse me, I just...
Creepy Guy: Huh?
Kumar: I have to ask you, why'd you... wha... wha... why are you peeing... right here?
Creepy Guy: What?
Kumar: I mean... why'd you pee right next to me when you could like, choose that bush, or...
Creepy Guy: Well, this bush looked like I should pee on it. Why are you peeing on it?
Kumar: Well, no one was here when I chose this bush.
Creepy Guy: Oh, so you get to pee on it and no one else does? Huh?
Kumar: No, it's just... I just...
Creepy Guy: This your bush? You have a special bond with this bush?
Kumar: No, I just thought that...
Creepy Guy: You the king of the forest?
Kumar: I'm sorry?
Creepy Guy: What?
Creepy Guy: You fuckin' tree-hugger. IS THIS YOUR SPECIAL BUSH?
Kumar: Never mind. Forget it, I really don't feel like gettin' stabbed tonight.
[they pee in silence for a bit]
Creepy Guy: [quietly] Nice pubes.
Kumar: [pauses, creeped out] Thanks.

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