Lt. Aldo Raine: So you're "The Jew Hunter."
Col. Hans Landa: [giddy] That's a bingo!

Roxanne Ritchi: Your plans never work, you're SOOO predictable!
Megamind: You call THIS predictable?
[pulls a lever]
Roxanne Ritchi: Alligators, yeah, mm-hmm. I was thinking about it on the way over...
Megamind: Booyah!
[brings down a gauntlet of blades]
Roxanne Ritchi: Juvenile!
Megamind: So scary...
[activites a cycle of spiked boots]
Roxanne Ritchi: Seen it!
Megamind: [brings up a chainsaw] This one's kind of...
Roxanne Ritchi: Tacky!
Megamind: [frantic] What's this one do?
[unleashes a flamethrower]
Roxanne Ritchi: Garish!
[Megamind breaks down]
Roxanne Ritchi: The spider's new.
Megamind: Spider?
[sees a spider hanging in front of Roxanne]
Megamind: Uh... Yeah, the spiiiider. Even the smallest bite from... "arachnis deadlius"... will instantly paralyze...
[Roxanne blows the spider into MegaMind's eye]
Megamind: Aargh! Get it off!

Jane Burnham: I don't think we can be friends anymore.
Angela Hayes: You're way too uptight about sex.
Jane Burnham: Just don't fuck my dad, all right? Please?
Angela Hayes: Why not?

Dr. Evil: All right guard, begin the unnecessarily slow-moving dipping mechanism. Close the tank!
Scott Evil: Wait, aren't you even going to watch them? They could get away!
Dr. Evil: No no no, I'm going to leave them alone and not actually witness them dying, I'm just gonna assume it all went to plan. What?
Scott Evil: I have a gun, in my room, you give me five seconds, I'll get it, I'll come back down here, BOOM, I'll blow their brains out!
Dr. Evil: Scott, you just don't get it, do ya? You don't.

And finally, I must tell you that this year, the third-floor corridor on the right-hand side is out of bounds to everyone who does not wish to die a most painful death.

Dumbledore

Greg Focker: [high on Truth Serum, giving a speech] Hello everybody. I am, uh, about to set sail on my ship... on the sea of life with my first mate - the beautiful Pamela Byrnes.
Pam Byrnes: Love you, baby!
[blows kiss]
Greg Focker: [drunkenly blows back kiss, pauses] I still masturbate to Pam. What? She's hot - check out those boobs. I just wanna lather 'em up with soap and rub my face in 'em. I could take a vacation in there. What? Gosh, sorry you're perfect! And there's another wonderful lady in the audience, my future mother-in-law Dina Byrnes! Dina-Dina-Bo-Bina-I-love-Dina! Byrnes! You know they say you can tell from looking at the mother what your wife will look like in the future - well, I'm looking, and I'm LIKIN...
[Spies Jorge]
Greg Focker: In my first... passionate sexual awakening, I made sweet sweet love to my housekeeper, Isabelle.
Pam Byrnes: Come on, honey, that was in the past, so sit down.
Greg Focker: No no no, baby - I gotta get this off my chest.
Pam Byrnes: Please... sit.
Greg Focker: We conceived a child. Come on up here, Jorge! This is the fruit of my loins. Come on - search your heart, you know it to be true. Yo soy tu papa! Yeah, I know, a lot of information to take in. Give that boy a hand. Oh, and Jack - Pam's pregnant. Focker out.
[passes out]

Do you know something about this?... short person.

Chad

Princess Leia: We're going to get pulverized if we stay out here much longer.
Han Solo: I'm not going to argue with that.
C-3PO: Pulverized?

Jeff: So what do you guys think: Ancient Mayan temple off the beaten path?

A 2000-year-old civilization and that's the best you can come up with? Shame on you. Shame on you!

Roy O'Bannon

Buttercup: [kisses senile King]
The King: What was that for?
Buttercup: Because you have always been so kind to me, and I won't be seeing you again since I'm killing myself once we reach the honeymoon suite.
The King: Won't that be nice. She kissed me!

Ramming speed!

D-Day

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