Palm Apodaca: Fantastic that you could figure that all out and lie that down on her so you could come up with a way to get your toast. Fantastic!
Bobby: Yeah, well, I didn't get it, did I?
Palm Apodaca: No, but it was very clever. I would have just punched her out.

Nacho: [after lifting Esqueleto over the wall at Ramses party] What about me?
Esqueleto: I don't think I can lift you. You are too fat.

Freakshow: What the hell are you doing with my wife?
Harold: Y-you said outside that we could have sex with her!
Kumar: Shit! Shit!
Freakshow: I most certainly did not!
Harold: Yes you did!
Freakshow: Did not!
Kumar: Yes you did!
Freakshow: Oh, no, I didn't.
Kumar: You did, you did.
Freakshow: You sure...?
Harold: You said it!
Freakshow: [laughing] My mistake! Well, since we're all here... How 'bout a four-some?

You don't deserve them, I mean you eat carbs, for Chrissake!

Emily

It appears my hypocrisy knows no bounds.

Doc Holliday

Leo: Actors aren't animals! They're human beings!
Max : Have you ever eaten with one?

Justice: If I go to prison will you wait for me?
Jay: Hmm, I don't know. Will you fuck me when you get out?

Elinor Dashwood: Would you have him treat her even worse than Willoughby has treated you?
Marianne: No. But nor would I have him marry someone he does not love.

Troy Bolton: How's your show going?
Sharpay Evans: How's it going? This show makes the captain of the Titanic look like he won the lottery.

Henri Ducard: Are you so desperate to fight criminals that you lock yourself in to take them on one at a time?
Bruce Wayne: Actually, uh, there were seven of them.
Henri Ducard: I counted six, Mr. Wayne.
Bruce Wayne: How do you know my name?
Henri Ducard: The world is too small for someone like Bruce Wayne to disappear.

Yoda: That face you make... look I so old to young eyes?
Luke: No. Of course not.
Yoda: I do. Yes, I do. Sicker I become, old and weak... When nine hundred years old YOU reach, look as good YOU will not, hmm?

Jo and I had a lot of time to prepare for this moment. Some of her requests - for instance, that I should bring Claudia Schiffer as my date to the funeral - I am confident she expected me to ignore.

Daniel

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