Dr. Evil: All right guard, begin the unnecessarily slow-moving dipping mechanism. Close the tank!
Scott Evil: Wait, aren't you even going to watch them? They could get away!
Dr. Evil: No no no, I'm going to leave them alone and not actually witness them dying, I'm just gonna assume it all went to plan. What?
Scott Evil: I have a gun, in my room, you give me five seconds, I'll get it, I'll come back down here, BOOM, I'll blow their brains out!
Dr. Evil: Scott, you just don't get it, do ya? You don't.

And finally, I must tell you that this year, the third-floor corridor on the right-hand side is out of bounds to everyone who does not wish to die a most painful death.

Dumbledore

We are not Groupies. We are here because of the music, we inspire the music. We are Band Aids.

Penny Lane

You are a monster, and my father is a great man. You're nothing like my father!

Alice Marshall

We didn't land on Plymouth Rock. Plymouth Rock landed on us!

Malcolm X

[as they approach the "lake" by the "cabin"]
Debbie Dingman: Under no circumstances is that a lake.
Tim Dingman: Maybe there's a tide?

Greg Focker: [high on Truth Serum, giving a speech] Hello everybody. I am, uh, about to set sail on my ship... on the sea of life with my first mate - the beautiful Pamela Byrnes.
Pam Byrnes: Love you, baby!
[blows kiss]
Greg Focker: [drunkenly blows back kiss, pauses] I still masturbate to Pam. What? She's hot - check out those boobs. I just wanna lather 'em up with soap and rub my face in 'em. I could take a vacation in there. What? Gosh, sorry you're perfect! And there's another wonderful lady in the audience, my future mother-in-law Dina Byrnes! Dina-Dina-Bo-Bina-I-love-Dina! Byrnes! You know they say you can tell from looking at the mother what your wife will look like in the future - well, I'm looking, and I'm LIKIN...
[Spies Jorge]
Greg Focker: In my first... passionate sexual awakening, I made sweet sweet love to my housekeeper, Isabelle.
Pam Byrnes: Come on, honey, that was in the past, so sit down.
Greg Focker: No no no, baby - I gotta get this off my chest.
Pam Byrnes: Please... sit.
Greg Focker: We conceived a child. Come on up here, Jorge! This is the fruit of my loins. Come on - search your heart, you know it to be true. Yo soy tu papa! Yeah, I know, a lot of information to take in. Give that boy a hand. Oh, and Jack - Pam's pregnant. Focker out.
[passes out]

President Andrew Shepherd: You ever been to Camp David?
Sydney Ellen Wade: Camp David? Sure, I used to go there all the time, but then they changed chefs.

Do you know something about this?... short person.

Chad

Jeff: So what do you guys think: Ancient Mayan temple off the beaten path?

A 2000-year-old civilization and that's the best you can come up with? Shame on you. Shame on you!

Roy O'Bannon

Buttercup: [kisses senile King]
The King: What was that for?
Buttercup: Because you have always been so kind to me, and I won't be seeing you again since I'm killing myself once we reach the honeymoon suite.
The King: Won't that be nice. She kissed me!

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