Kip: It's a time machine, Napoleon. We bought it online.
Napoleon Dynamite: Yeah, right.
Kip: It works, Napoleon. You don't even know.

Cameron: It's about time you realize what it's like to be black.
Christine: Oh, and you're talking about being black? The closest you ever came to being black, Cameron, was watching the Cosby Show.
Cameron: Well, at least I didn't watch it with the rest of the equestrian team.

It's all just... cornflakes.

Morty

It's important to have a job that makes a difference, boys. That's why I manually masturbate caged animals for artificial insemination.

Caged Animal Masturbator

Connor: It's like a scumbag yard sale.
Murphy: We should come down here once a week and clean house.

It's like every morning I wake up and I FAIL!

Rita

It's not contaminated, you don't even know what that word means.

Morgan

It's not perfected yet.

Q

Its not until you lose everything that you are free to do anything

Tyler Durden

I've always thought a good lashing with a buggy whip would benefit you immensely.

Rhett Butler

Santa: I've been to New York thousands of times.
Buddy: Really?
Santa: Mmm hmm.
Buddy: What's it like?
Santa: Well, there are some things you should know. First off, you see gum on the street, leave it there. It isn't free candy.
Buddy: Oh.
Santa: Second, there are, like, 30 Ray's Pizzas. They all claim to be the original. But the real one's on 11th. And if you see a sign that says "Peep Show," that doesn't mean that they're letting you look at the new toys before Christmas.

[after Melanie tells Andrew that she still loves Jake at the wedding] I've never met anyone so manipulative, so deceitful, and I'm in politics.

Mayor Kate Hennings

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