Bard the Bowman: You have no right to enter that mountain!
Thorin Oakenshield: I have the ONLY right!

I have to admit, you know, I did the fair bit of ... masturbating when I was a little younger. I used to call it stroking the salami, yeah, you know, pounding the old pud ... I never did it with baked goods, but you know your uncle Mort, he pets the one-eyed snake like 5-6 times a day.

Jim's Dad

William Miller: I have to go home.
Penny Lane: You are home.

I haven't had sex since I got to America.


Yoda: I hear a new apprentice you have, Emperor... or should I say "Darth Sidious"?
Darth Sidious: Master Yoda... you survived.
Yoda: Surprised?
Darth Sidious: Your arrogance blinds you, Master Yoda. Now you will experience the full power of the dark side.

Tricia Jones: I heard that you were going to propose to Brandi Svenning at some theme park. When are men going to learn that women want ROMANCE, not Mr. Toad's Wild Ride...
Brodie: Hey, now, be fair. EVERYONE wants Mr. Toad's Wild Ride.

I hired a 90-lb girl to work in the stock room at Smart Tech for you, okay? I should've hired a 300-lb guy to lift the 60-inch flat screen, but instead I hired a hot girl who can't lift an iPod to bring you out of your funk.


Supreme Chancellor: I hope you trust me, Anakin.
Anakin Skywalker: Of course.
Supreme Chancellor: I need your help, son. I want you to be the eyes, ears, and voice of the Republic. Anakin, I'm appointing you to be my personal representative on the Jedi Council.
Anakin Skywalker: Me? A Master? I'm overwhelmed, sir. But the Council elects its own members. They will never accept this.
Supreme Chancellor: I think they will. They need you, more than you know.

Beaumont: I just ain't getting in no goddamn, dirty-ass trunk man. I got a problem with small places.
Ordell Robbie: Well I got a problem with spending ten thousand dollars on ungrateful, peanut-head niggers to get 'em out of jail, but I did it!

Matthew: I just feel so weird...
Danielle: Shh. Relax. Ecstasy is not that bad.
Matthew: What?
Danielle: Kelly likes dosing people with E.
Matthew: Oh, my God. Am I gonna die?

Veronica Sawyer: I just killed my best friend.
J.D.: And your worst enemy.
Veronica Sawyer: Same difference.

Buzz: I just want you to know that even though you tried to terminate me, revenge is not an idea we promote on my planet.
Woody: Oh. Well, that's good.
Buzz: But we're not on my planet, are we?
Woody: No. Daaaah-oof!
Buzz: [he attacks Woody]
Woody: Okay, come on. You got a piece of me.
Buzz: [gets knocked down by Woody, he closes his helmet on Woody's hand]
Woody: Ow!

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