Dude, I never went to college and check me out. I'm kick ass!

Lance

Meg: If we stay calm everything will be fine, okay? Just stay calm.
Sarah: You're making me nervous.
Meg: I'm sorry.

Magneto: I will bring you hope, old friend. And I ask only one thing in return: don't get in my way.
[walking away]
Magneto: We are the future, Charles, not them! They no longer matter!

Scott Evil: I was thinking I like animals. Maybe I'd be a vet.
Dr. Evil: An evil vet?
Scott Evil: No! Maybe like work in a petting zoo.
Dr. Evil: An evil petting zoo?
Scott Evil: You always do that!

I don't doubt myself because of you. I feel like the best version of myself when I'm with you, and that makes me doubt everything else.

Father Brian Finn

[Watching Bob Rumson on TV]
Bob Rumson: Last night, the cost of those liberal programs was raised to include the blood of 22 American soldiers. Now, Mr. Shepherd's read a lot of books, but it doesn't take a Harvard degree to see this one coming a mile down the road.
President Andrew Shepherd: I went to Stanford, you blowhole!

Kevin: Well, you're all I think about.
Leslie: Me?
Kevin: And I think the reason I'm not interested in other women, and why I haven't had sex in so long, is because I'm desperately, completely in love with you.

Darcy: Remember: They give extra points for alacrity and effulgence.
Kasey: Did we bring those?

A great day comrades, we sail into history!

Captain Ramius

Chiles Stanton: How do I look?
Beau Hutton: Like a Country Barbie.
Chiles Stanton: [happy] Thank you!

Don't look at me. I do what he does - just slower.

Sam Wilson

You know how you said before, how your parents use you to get back at each other? Wouldn't I be outstanding in that capacity?

Bender

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