[over the CB] All right, listen up guys. 'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, except for the four assholes coming in the rear in standard two-by-two cover formation.

Theo

Paul Allen has mistaken me for this dickhead Marcus Halberstram. It seems logical because Marcus also works at P&P and in fact does the same exact thing I do and he also has a penchant for Valentino suits and Oliver Peoples glasses. Marcus and I even go to the same barber, although I have a slightly better haircut.

Patrick Bateman

Harry Terwilliger: Paul, we're not gonna have some Cherokee medicine man in here whoopin', hollerin' and shaking his dick are we?
Paul Edgecomb: Well actually...
Toot-Toot: Still prayin'! Still prayin'! Gettin' right with Jesus!
Harry Terwilliger: Do it quietly you old gink!
Paul Edgecomb: As I was saying, I don't think they actually shake their dicks Harry. Be that as it may Mr. Bitterbuck is a Christian, so I have the Reverend Schuster coming out.
Dean Stanton: Oh he's good. He's fast too. Doesn't get 'em all worked up.

People always live forever when there is an annuity to be paid them.

Fanny

People say Intelligent Design, we must teach Intelligent Design. Look at the human body, is that intelligent? You have a waste processing plant next to a recreation area.

Tom Dobbs

[Peter apologizes for a previous conversation] Pish-posh. We needn't talk about it. Water over the dam, or under the bridge, or wherever you like it.

May Parker

Rosalie Octavius: Peter, tell us about yourself. Do you have a girlfriend?
Peter Parker: Uh, well... I don't really know.
Dr. Otto Octavius: Well, shouldn't you know? Who would know?
Rosalie Octavius: Leave him alone. Maybe it's a secret love.
Dr. Otto Octavius: Love should never be a secret. If you keep something as complicated as love stored up inside, it could make you sick.

Picture a girl who took a nosedive from the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.

Private Ryan

Warner Huntington III: Pooh bear, just get in the car.
Elle: No.
Warner Huntington III: You're gonna ruin your shoes.
Elle: Okay.

Professor Snape: Potter! What's your hurry?
[Harry walks up to Snape]
Professor Snape: Congratulations. Your performance in the Black Lake was inspiring. Gillyweed. Am I correct?
Harry: Yes, sir.
Professor Snape: Ingenious.
[Climbs up ladder in his personal store room]
Professor Snape: A rather rare herb, gillyweed. Not something found in your everyday garden.
Professor Snape: [Picks up small vial, then climbs down to floor. He then shows the vial to Harry] Nor is this.
Professor Snape: Know what it is?
Harry: Bubble juice, sir?
Professor Snape: Veritaserum. Three drops of this and You-Know-Who himself would spill his darkest secrets. The use of it on a student is, regrettably, forbidden. However, should you eve steal from my personal stores again, my hand might just slip...
[turns vial sideways, then upright again]
Professor Snape: ...over your morning pumpkin juice.
Harry: I haven't stolen anything.
Professor Snape: Don't... lie... to me! Gillyweed may be innocuous, but boomslang skin? Lacewing flies? You and your little friends are brewing Polyjuice Potion, and believe me, I'm going to find out why!
[Slams door shut in Harry's face]

Prepare to get fucked by the long dick of the law.

Officer Michaels

Progress. Not Perfection.

Robert McCall

FREE Movie Newsletter