Bethany: What are you doing?
Jay: Proving to this bastard I ain't gay.
Bethany: What?
Rufus: Long story, forget it.

Memphis: You bet you will. The word triumph starts with "try" and ends with...?
Young Mumble: umph?
Memphis: That's right, a big ol' UMPH!

I like to see girls of that... caliber. By "caliber," of course, I refer to both the size of their gun barrels and the high quality of their characters... Two meanings... caliber... it's a homonym... Forget it.

Dr. Evil

My brother was the big egg, I was the little egg.

Cody Maverick

Girl on jetski: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
Frank Martin: I'm trying to catch a bus!

Hey, ladies, wanna see my spirit stick?

Jan

Seriously, when was the last time you turned on the radio to listen to popular music? '70s, '80s?

Matt Farrell

Someone in the family murdered Harriet, and for the past 40 years, has been trying to drive me insane.

Henrik Vanger

Wayne: You can see him?
Rip Taylor: Well, of course! I mean, how are you gonna miss a half-naked Indian?

Laurel Pearson: Here's to granting others the serenity to change the things you cannot accept.
Tom: And the courage to accept large amounts of change serenely.
Frank Falenczyk: And the wisdom to know the difference.

Dante Hicks: The guy's in a wheelchair.
Randal Graves: I know. That's why I call him "crippie-boy."

Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!

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