Shit! I hate it when I get my Schwartz twisted.

Dark Helmet

Gale: Shit! Where'd all the tellers go?
Teller's voices: We're down here, sir.
Evelle: They're on the floor as you commanded, Gale.

Silent Bob here's an electrical genius. He won the science fair in eighth grade by turning his mom's vibrator into a CD player using some chicken wire and shit.The mother fucker's like MacGyver. No, the mother fucker's *better than* MacGyver.

Jay

Lester Burnham: Smile! You're at Mr. Smiley's.
Carolyn Burnham: [stunned] Uh, Buddy, this is my...
Lester Burnham: Her husband. We've met before, but something tells me you're going to remember me this time.

Sue: I've always had a thing for Santa Claus. In case you didn't notice. It's like some deep-seeded childhood thing.
Willie: So is my thing for tits.

Ned: So what are you doing for dinner?
Phil: Umm... something else.

So what do we do? What do we do?

Andrew Largeman

Happy: So why do they call him "The Joker"?
Dopey: I heard he wears make-up.
Happy: Make-up?
Dopey: Yeah, to scare people. You know, war paint.

Jay: So why the long face, Horse? Banky on the rag?
Holden: I'm just, ahh... just havin' a little girl trouble.
Jay: Bitch pressin' charges? I get that a lot.

You took your boots off? You put your feet on the table? You shit-kicking, stinky, horse manure smellin' motherfucker you. You fuck me up over there, I'll stick you in a hole in the fuckin' desert.

Nicky Santoro

Gale: You understand, H.I.? If this works out, it's just the beginning of a spree to cover the entire southwest proper. And we keep going until we can retire. Or we get caught.
Evelle: Either way, we're fixed for life.

You wanna know if we're armed? We're armed.

John Dillinger

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