Dinner for two. Clothing optional.

Van Wilder

Pat: You look nice.
Tiffany: Thank you.
Pat: Oh, I'm not flirting with you.
Tiffany: Oh, I didn't think you were.
Pat: I just see that you made an effort, and I'm gonna be better with my wife. I'm working on that. I wanna acknowledge her beauty. I never used to do that. I do now. Just practicing. How'd Tommy die?

Drycoff: What's up?
Det. Roland Castlebeck: What's the story with that HumVee?
Drycoff: Gone.
Det. Roland Castlebeck: Cadillac?
Drycoff: Same. Where we goin'?
Det. Roland Castlebeck: The only '67 Shelby in the area is registered at a place called the International Towers in Long Beach.
Drycoff: Let's go to Long Beach.

What? I've got a wiping problem. I just stick those little pieces up my brown-eye and bam! I get no stains in my undies. What you don't believe me? Check this shit out. Spread my cheeks, so he can see the fucking stink nuggets!


Have you met Archimedes? The one with the black spots, you see? You remember Archimedes of Syracuse, eh? The king asks Archimedes to determine if a present he's received is actually solid gold. Unsolved problem at the time. It tortures the great Greek mathematician for weeks - insomnia haunts him and he twists and turns in his bed for nights on end. Finally, his equally exhausted wife - she's forced to share a bed with this genius - convinces him to take a bath to relax. While he's entering the tub, Archimedes notices the bath water rise. Displacement, a way to determine volume, and that's a way to determine density - weight over volume. And thus, Archimedes solves the problem. He screams "Eureka" and he is so overwhelmed he runs dripping naked through the streets to the king's palace to report his discovery.

Sol Robeson

Have you been selling big guns to bad people?

Jane Smith

Elle: I promised her, and I can't break the bonds of sisterhood.
Professor Callahan: Screw sisterhood! This is a murder investigation! Not some scandal at the sorority house!

Dr. John Watson: How did you know I would find you?
Sherlock Holmes: You didn't find me. You collapsed a building on me.

What is it called when you almost win? Oh yeah yeah yeah...losing.

Buck Weston

Stu Price: You are literally too stupid to insult.
Alan Garner: Thank you.

Can we make out now?

Paulie Bleeker

[to Dwight] Here we are pal. All of sudden this doesn't look like the brightest idea you ever had, huh?


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