Marshall Sisco: Yeah, so I read in the paper that this guy escapes from jail, ends up at this guy's wife's house and she let's him in. So he tells her his story and she feels, sorry for him, and they sleep together.
Ray Nicolet: Yeah.
Marshall Sisco: Yeah, so I guess that's how you score these days.
Teen #1: Jay says you guys had a Star Wars themed wedding, and you tied the knot dressed as Storm Troopers.
Teen #2: Yeah, and he says you're the bitch and you're the butch.
Dante Hicks: I'm the BITCH?
Randal Graves: Well, if we were gay, that's certainly the way I'd see it.
Dante Hicks: Will you shut up!
Teen #1: Holy shit, dude. The honeymoon's over.
Elaine Miller: This is not some ignorant mother you're speaking to. I know all about your decadence and I should not have let him go. He's not ready for your world of compromised values and diminished brain cells that you throw away like confetti. Am I speaking to you clearly?
Russell Hammond: Yes ... yes, ma'am.
Charley: Needless to say, we don't carry firearms anymore. Sometimes you pull them out and think they're not loaded, and...
Bobby Davis: You blow your deputy's ear off.
What happened... was murder... and armed robbery. Wait, we had badges, so it's different?Jake
Cameron: Well, you don't know. She could, uh, she could need a day to cool off.
[they all duck as a soccer ball flies past them]
Patrick: Maybe two.
Terry: Who the hell is this?
Rusty: The man who's robbing you!
Is that one of mine? I think one of my research turtles survived.Alistair Hennessey
Capt. Dickson: I got a big ass raise to babysit you two again.
Jenko: We're going back to high school?
Capt. Dickson: No, you look like you about 50. You going to MC State. You two sons of bitches are going to college!
Jessica Stanley: Bella! Guess who just asked me to prom. I totally thought Mike was gonna ask you, actually. Um, it's not gonna be weird though, right?
Isabella Swan: No, no. Zero weirdness. You guys are great together.
Jessica Stanley: I know, right?
Card player #1: Well, looks like you just about cleaned everybody out, fella. You haven't lost a hand since you got to deal. What's the secret of your success?
Sundance Kid: [pause] Prayer.
Darth Vader: There will be a substantial reward for the one who finds the Millennium Falcon. You are free to use any methods necessary, but I want them alive. No disintegrations.
Boba Fett: As you wish.