Football season is over, Veronica. Kurt and Ram had nothing left to offer the school except for date rapes and AIDS jokes.


Mr. McPhee: Oh, haha - look at me, the comedy night guard. Do you want to get into a battle of humor? Do you?
Larry: Um, no. No I don't want to get into a battle of humor.
Mr. McPhee: That's right, because it would be a bloodbath. Nothing funny about Little Big Horn, is there?

Last night was worth it. There's nothin like sleepin' with you... just sleepin'... lyin next to you... all warm and sweet... Me wishin' the mornin' would never come...

Bobby Shatford

Terry: Who the hell is this?
Rusty: The man who's robbing you!

Ref: Is this your fighter?
Frankie Dunn: This is my fighter.

Girl In Restaurant: So what, are you all like alternative now?
Bliss Cavendar: Alternative to what?

Gross. Who's he gonna shoot next, Donald Trump?

Elevator Man #1

All I do is stare at their mouths and wrinkle my nose, and I turn out to be a sweetheart.


Esteban Vihaio: Bill shot you in the head, no?
The Bride: Yes.
Esteban Vihaio: I would've been much nicer. I would've just cut your face.

Droz: All right, what's your major?
Phys. Ed. Major: Phys. Ed
Droz: Phys. Ed? All right, stud, you're out of my room. Seriously, get out.

[about the soap] Tyler sold his soap to department stores at $20 a bar. Lord knows what they charged. It was beautiful. We were selling rich women their own fat asses back to them.


Tom: Splendid, I thought. What did you think?
Bernard: I, thought, splendid! What did you think?
Tom: Splendid, I thought.

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