If what I think is happening is happening, it better not be.

Mrs. Fox

If you ain't first, you're last.

Ricky Bobby

Patches O'Houlihan: If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.
Justin: What?

If you don't have a drummer, then why do you have drums you fist-full of assholes?


If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything.


Surfing Instructor: If you get bitten by a shark, you're not just gonna give up surfing, are you?
Peter Bretter: ...yeah, probably

If you win this case, justice will prevail, and if you lose, justice will also prevail. Now that is a strange case.

Lucien Wilbanks

Karen: If you're from Africa, why are you white?
Gretchen: Oh my God, Karen, you can't just ask people why they're white.

Sister Encarnación: Ignacio, I have been looking all over for you, where have you been?
Nacho: I have been here. I have been sleeping.
Sister Encarnación: In a frilly shirt and slacks?
Nacho: They are my PJ's

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Igor, would you give me a hand with the bags?
Igor: [doing a Groucho Marx] Certainly, you take the blonde and I'll take the one in the turban.

I'll be waiting for you, with my legs open.


[while choking Bart for laughing at him] I'll teach you to laugh at something that's funny!

Homer Simpson

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