If what I think is happening is happening, it better not be.Mrs. Fox
If you ain't first, you're last.Ricky Bobby
Patches O'Houlihan: If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.
If you don't have a drummer, then why do you have drums you fist-full of assholes?Norah
If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything.Wiseman
Surfing Instructor: If you get bitten by a shark, you're not just gonna give up surfing, are you?
Peter Bretter: ...yeah, probably
If you win this case, justice will prevail, and if you lose, justice will also prevail. Now that is a strange case.Lucien Wilbanks
Karen: If you're from Africa, why are you white?
Gretchen: Oh my God, Karen, you can't just ask people why they're white.
Sister EncarnaciÃ³n: Ignacio, I have been looking all over for you, where have you been?
Nacho: I have been here. I have been sleeping.
Sister EncarnaciÃ³n: In a frilly shirt and slacks?
Nacho: They are my PJ's
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Igor, would you give me a hand with the bags?
Igor: [doing a Groucho Marx] Certainly, you take the blonde and I'll take the one in the turban.
I'll be waiting for you, with my legs open.Carla
[while choking Bart for laughing at him] I'll teach you to laugh at something that's funny!Homer Simpson