[rehearsing his proposal lines to an older woman at the school]
Ben: To say I’m crazy about you doesn’t do you any justice. I adore you. I’m devoted to you. You would make me the luckiest man on the planet if you would be my wife.
Lunch Woman: Eh
Ben: What’s that mean, “eh”?
Jason Biggs: Oh, look at the monkey.
James Van Der Beek: Now you're gonna tell me the monkey's gay.
Jason Biggs: Well, how do you know he doesn't smoke monkey pole?
Marty DiBergi: It's such an interesting concept, mixing mime and food.
Morty the Mime: It's a kick isn't it? Well, I used to be an actor but I could never remember my lines, so I thought "just shut up", you know? Don't say nothing. And my father used to say the same thing to me every dinner time, he used to say to me "shut up and eat", so that's what we do and that's the name of the company "shut up and eat."
Evan: It's not just making them smaller. They completely reshaped them. They make them more supple, symmetrical.
Seth: I gotta catch a glimpse of these warlocks. Let's make a move.
King of Ward 3: I will not forget you voice!
Doctor's Wife: And I will not forget your face!
Edward Wilson: You are never to tell anyone what it is that I do!
Clover Wilson: What you do? I don't know what you do! You leave at five, you're home at ten, seven days a week! I live with a ghost! I don't know anything about you!
Are you trying to tell me that you enjoyed that orgasm set to the "Gandhi" Soundtrack?Sophie Fisher
Pageant Assistant: Are you authorized to be backstage?
Dwayne: [without stopping] No.
And just to set the record straight... Roy O'Bannon is not attracted to loose women; loose women are attracted to me.Roy
What happened to going down the chimney?Grand Santa
Oh what a day, what a lovely day!Nux
Polygraph Operator: I'm going to ask you a series of control questions. Are you currently in a seated position?
Polygraph Operator: Are you human?
Klaatu: My body is.
Polygraph Operator: Do you feel pain?
Klaatu: My Body does.
Polygraph Operator: Are you aware of an impending attack on the planet earth?
Klaatu: You should let me go.