Stan: Listen Mr. homeless man, if you don't wanna buy us the tickets and not get your ten bucks and not buy yourself a bottle of vodka, then be my guest.
Homeless man: Six tickets please!

She's not just a computer.

Theodore

Jake Taylor: That's my wife...
Willie Mays Hayes: Does she know that?
Jake Taylor: Well, she would've been if I hadn't screwed it up... who's that guy she's with?
Willie Mays Hayes: I don't know. He's not wearing a nametag.
Rick Vaughn: Want me to drag him outta here, kick the sh!t out of him?

Satan: Is sex the only thing that matters to you?
Saddam Hussein: I love you.

I might as well ask you if all those vodka martinis ever silence the screams of all the men you've killed... or if you find forgiveness in the arms of all those willing women for all the dead ones you failed to protect.

Alec Trevelyan

You are only ever as good to me as the money you make!

Micky Rosa

Buford "Mad Dog" Tannen: Wake up! Let's go! I got me a runt to kill!
Buford's Gang Member #1: It's still early, boss. What's your hurry?
Buford "Mad Dog" Tannen: I'm hungry.

I'm wildly unhappy, and I'm trying to buy it, and it's not working.

Jacob

I'll tell you what, if our school was this nice I would go there more than once a week.

Mickey

I created you, but I might not survive you.

Deon

I don't know what you been feedin' him, but he is TOO DAMN BIG!

Detective James Carter

You have the ring, and I see your Schwartz is as big as mine. Let's see how well you handle it.

Dark Helmet

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