Lloyd Christmas: You guys wanna play he who smelt it?
Travis: What's that?
Harry Dunne: It's complicated so pay attention.
Lloyd Christmas: We put the windows up, first one who smells the fart gets a point.
Harry Dunne: If you say who dealt it, double points!
Travis: I don’t want to play that!
Harry Dunne: Ok fine. Lloyd and I will play one on one.
Lloyd Christmas: Ya!
Travis: How can you play one on one? If you smell a fart and you didn't do it, isn't it obvious the other guy did?
Lloyd Christmas: I thought you said you never played before?
Only if someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better... its not.The Once-ler
There is an old Vulcan proverbCaptain Spock
How much does your life weigh? Imagine for a second that you're carrying a backpack. I want you to pack it with all the stuff that you have in your life... start with the little things.Ryan Bingham
Lee: [handcuffs Lee to the steering wheel] Hey, what are you doing?
Carter: You ain't the only one with quick hands now, right? Wah!
That's how easy it is to give to charity around here. Don't put your shit on the floor.Chenille
I can always guess how many jelly beans are in a jelly bean jar, even if I’m wrong.Brick Tamland
[narrating] Whenever we needed money, we'd rob the airport. To us, it was better than Citibank.Henry Hill
Is that it? Is that all you're gonna ask me? Well I got a couple of thousand goddamn questions, you know. I want to speak to someone in charge. I want to lodge a complaint. You have no right to make people crazy! You think I investigate every Walter Cronkite story there is? Huh? If this is just nerve gas, how come I know everything in such detail? I've never been here before. How come I know so much? What the hell is going on around here? Who the hell are you people?Roy Neary
Nacho: I'm not listening to you! You only believe in Science. That's probably why we never win!
Esqueleto: We never win because you are fat!
Holden: How do you manage to get away with this all the time? I mean, shouldn't the cops be busting your head open right about now?
Banky Edwards: Wrong coast.
Saul Silver: Look, only reason I started selling pot is so I could put my bubbie in a nice retirement home.
Dale Denton: Oh, yeah, she must be proud of you for that.
Saul Silver: She is really proud of me, and I'm gonna become something, man! As soon as she dies, I'm gonna become a civil engineer. I'm gonna design septic tanks for playgrounds. Little kids can take shits! You idiot, what the hell do you do?