Don't write this down, but I find Milton probably as boring as you find Milton. Mrs. Milton found him boring too. He's a little bit long-winded, he doesn't translate very well into our generation, and his jokes are terrible.


[to John] Come on. You have made millions off the story of her murder. You're obsessed with her and you're obsessed with her daughter.


Bat Mitzvah Singer: Rock into womanhood, Elizabeth. We know that you will.
Reese Feldman: What's that supposed to mean?

George: I don't know why Cletus drug your tired old bones in here, he musta owed you somethin' fierce. Fact is, mister, you start screwin' up this team, I'll personally hide-strap your ass to a pine rail and send you up the Monon Line!
Coach Norman Dale: Leave the ball, will you, George?

[Eating animal crackers] The giraffes taste the same as the elephants. That's messed up.


I know talent when I see it - TALENT! Once, I was rehearsing birds - toucans - for this musical review in Brazil...

Mikey Abromowitz

Indiana: The Ark of the Covenant, the chest that the Hebrews used to carry around the Ten Commandments.
Major Eaton: What, you mean THE Ten Commandments?
Indiana: Yes, the actual Ten Commandments, the original stone tablets that Moses brought down from Mt. Horeb and smashed, if you believe in that sort of thing... Any of you guys ever go to Sunday school?

Paul Rusesabagina: You cannot seriously think that you can kill them all.
George Rutaganda: And why not? We are halfway there already.

Disobey, and you die.

Woman on Phone

Margaret Tate: [surprised to see Andrew at her office] Why are you panting?
Andrew Paxton: Cause I've been running.
Margaret Tate: From Alaska?

Sherman Schrader: Who was that?
Bartleby Gaines: Oh, that's our mascot
Sherman Schrader: A sandwich? You're the SHIT Sandwiches?

[after blowing acid on to his better half] What's 'a matter, Kent? Too hot for ya'? Come on chicken! You've been on my nerves for a long time!

Evil Superman

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