Harry: What about birth control?
Erica Barry: Menopause.
Harry: [pauses] Who's the lucky boy?

Finch: Did not just take out that chair.
Kevin: Yup, he took out the chair.

Moe: He's got a headache. [to Larry]
Larry: No I don't!
Moe: [bangs Larry in the head with a hammer] How 'bout now?
Larry: Yeah, It's comin' on.

Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit drinking.

Steve McCroskey

I wanted this to be professional. Efficient, adroit, cooperative, not a lot to ask. Alas, your Mr. Takagi did not see it that way, so he won't be joining us for the rest of his life.

Hans Gruber

The Terminator: [picking up guns] The 12-gauge auto-loader.
Pawn Shop Clerk: That's Italian. You can go pump or auto.
The Terminator: The .45 long slide, with laser sighting.
Pawn Shop Clerk: [Hands the Terminator a .45 gun] These are brand new; we just got them in. That's a good gun. Just touch the trigger, the beam comes on and you put the red dot where you want the bullet to go. You can't miss. Anything else?
The Terminator: Phased plasma rifle in the 40-watt range.
Pawn Shop Clerk: Hey, just what you see, pal!
The Terminator: [Looks around] The Uzi nine millimeter.
Pawn Shop Clerk: You know your weapons, buddy. Any one of these is ideal for home defense. So uh, which will it be?
The Terminator: [Pointing the 12-gage shotgun towards the door] All.
Pawn Shop Clerk: I may close early today. There's a 15-day wait on the hand guns but the rifles you can take right now.
Pawn Shop Clerk: And you have to fill these out too.
Pawn Shop Clerk: You can't do that.
The Terminator: Wrong!

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And here comes mister gay pride of the Upper West Side himself. Unfortunately, this is not a Bette Midler concert, we will not be serving Cosmopolitans and Baked Alaska, so just play faster than you give fucking hand jobs, will you please?

Terence Fletcher

Driving Instructor: In America, a woman can choose who she has sex with.
Borat: Whaaaaat?

I would never ask you to do anything, that I would not do myself.

Lou Bloom

J.D.: So, tell me something, Miss Thelma. How is it you ain't got any kids? I mean God gets you something special, I think you oughta pass it on.
Thelma: Well, Daryl, that's my husband.
J.D.: Daryl?
Thelma: Yeah, he says he's not ready yet. He says he's still too much of a kid himself. He kinda prides himself on being infantile.
Louise: He's got a lot to be proud of.
Thelma: Louise and him don't get along.
Louise: That's putting it mildly.
Thelma: She thinks he's a pig.
Louise: I KNOW he's a pig.

Ages three and up! It's on my box! Ages three and up! I'm not supposed to be babysitting Princess Drool!

Mr. Potato Head

Harry Sanborn: I love ya.
Erica Barry: Well, I love you too! If that's what you said. I don't know if it ends in a 'ya' if it's a true 'I love you.'
Harry Sanborn: You're not like anybody.

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