Waitress: Excuse me, but are you Paul Sheldon?
Paul Sheldon: Yes.
Waitress: I just wanted to tell you I'm your number one fan!
Paul Sheldon: That's... very sweet of you...

For two days and two fuckin' nights, we beat the shit out of this guy. I mean, we even stuck ice-picks in his balls.

Nicky Santoro

Joel, you wanna know something? Every now and then say, "What the fuck." "What the fuck" gives you freedom. Freedom brings opportunity. Opportunity makes your future.

Miles

Worm: She's really got him by the balls.
Petra: That's not so bad, is it?
Worm: It depends on the grip!

A. J. MacInerney: Oh, and Leon, don't be the nice, sweet guy from Brooklyn on this one. Do what the NRA does.
Leon Kodak: What, scare the shit out of them?
A. J. MacInerney: Exactly.
Leon Kodak: I can do that.

Dave Buznik: Hi, I'm glad I'm not the only one in anger management.
Bobby Knight: What? I don't need anger management! I thought this was sexaholics anonymous!
Dave Buznik: Uh, I think that's down the hall.
Bobby Knight: Oh, screw this!

Delia: Open this door you dead people or we'll bust it down and drag you out by the ropes you hanged yourselves with!
Lydia: They didn't commit suicide!

Annie: You read my diary.
Annie's roommate: At first I did not know it was your diary... I thought it was a very sad handwritten book.

You must have eaten, like, a hundred bucks worth of pot, and, like, 30 bucks worth of shrooms man!

College Kid

Son of a bitch ball. Why can't you go home? Aren't you good enough for your home? ANSWER ME! Suck my white ass ball!

Happy Gilmore

Stanley Goodspeed: You're not leaving! There's a madman in there with his hand on a... ON A BUTTON!
John Mason: Shh!
[to himself]
John Mason: Some sniper's gonna get his ass.

Nothing's ever for sure, John. That's the only sure thing I do know.

Charles

FREE Movie Newsletter