Trench: Give this job to my friend, he loves playing in the jungle.
Barney Ross: Right.
Mr. Church: [Trench leaves] What's his fucking problem?
Barney Ross: He wants to become president.
Principal Harbert: People, June is just around the corner, let's talk graduation speakers. Ideas?
Shaun: Toni Morrison, she's in town that same weekend for a book signing. She's won the Nobel Prize.
Principal Harbert: Interesting... Dana, didn't you say you have a cousin who was friends with Britney spears?
News Producer: [at the site of a plane crash] Were you on that plane?
Ray Ferrier: No.
News Producer: Too bad. It would have made a hell of a story.
[shuts news van door and drives off]
Brodie: You know about this game show they got goin' on here? We need you guys to somehow ensure that it doesn't happen.
Jay: Is that it? We were gonna do that anyway.
Brodie: Really? Why?
Jay: What else are we gonna do?
[to Evan] I love you!... I mean, I think we should hang out socially... I have a new ping pong table.Eugene
Will Munny: It's a hell of a thing, killing a man. Take away all he's got and all he's ever gonna have.
The Schofield Kid: Yeah, well, I guess he had it coming.
Will Munny: We all got it coming, kid.
Rusty: Why do this?
Danny: Why not do it?
Harry: Not only have you refused to kill the boy, you even stopped the boy from killing himself, which would've solved my problem, which would've solved your problem, which sounds like it would've solved the boy's problem.
Ken: It wouldn't have solved his problem.
Harry: Ken, if I had killed a little kid, accidentally or otherwise, I wouldn't have thought twice. I'd killed myself on the fucking spot. On the fucking spot. I would've stuck the gun in me mouth. On the fucking spot!
Rabbi Jake Schram: Oy.
Father Brian Finn: Amen to your oy.
Seven trillion dollar communications system at my disposal, and I can't find out if the Packers won.President Andrew Shepherd
Captain America: It's grass.
George Hanson: [Seeing his first marijuana cigarette] Lord have mercy! Is that what that is?
Joe: We won't breathe a word!
Spats Colombo: You won't breathe nothin' - not even air.