Suicide Blonde: ...I'm a bad person. I don't wanna make you bad.
Fingerling: You don't have that power.

Herman Blume: Why did you ask me to come here?
Max Fischer: Oh, I was going to drop that tree on you.
Herman Blume: That big one?
Max Fischer: Yeah.
Herman Blume: It would've flattened me like a pancake.

General George Armstrong Custer: I'm a failure.
Larry Daley: No, you're not.
General George Armstrong Custer: No? Did you lead 208 Americans to their deaths in the Battle of Little Bighorn?

Don't ever say that word. I will never come over and bring you chicken soup and fuck your brains out again.


This is my life, Dad, this is it. I spent 26 years waiting for something else to start, so, no, I don't think it's too much to take on, because it's everything there is. I see now it's all of it. You and I are gonna be OK, you know that, right? We may not be as happy as you always dreamed we would be, but for the first time let's just allow ourselves to be whatever it is we are and that will be better. OK? I think that will be better.

Andrew Largeman

Tripp: Do you have real feelings?
Paula: Of course I have real feelings!
Tripp: For what?
Paula: For you! And believe me I did not want that because I had a good life before you. Well, not good... but... it was okay. Well... it was empty actually, but at least I was blissfully unaware of how miserable I was. Where as now... because of you... I am acutely aware of how completely and totally unhappy I am. Thank you for that.

I want what any princess wants - to live happily ever after... with the *ogre* I married.

Princess Fiona

Ned Nederlander: Tell us we will die like dogs.
El Guapo: Eh?
Ned Nederlander: Tell us we will die like dogs.
El Guapo: You *will* die like dogs.

Sydney Ellen Wade: Oh, Andy, a C minus in Women's Studies.
President Andrew Shepherd: Yeah, well, that class wasn't about what I thought it was about.

Sanford: Responsibility? What responsibility? You're closing the fucking store to play hockey!
Randal Graves: He's blunt, but he's got a point.
Dante Hicks: Will you let me maintain some semblance of managerial control here?
Sanford: No, all I'm sayin' is that if you're gonna be insubordinate, you might as well go the full nine, not pussy out when it comes to free shit to drink.
Randal Graves: He's right, as if we're suddenly gonna have a run on Gatorade.
Sanford: Fuckin' A!
Dante Hicks: All right! Jesus! You fuckers are pushy!

Chad Danforth: You got game?
Ryan Evans: A little.

Dr. No: One million dollars, Mr. Bond. You were wondering what it cost.
James Bond: As a matter of fact, I was.

FREE Movie Newsletter