Next time you come to my house to kill me, make sure I'm home first!

Chili Palmer

Bill: At my cousin Ruthie's wedding, the groom's brother was that guy Alakazam. You know who I'm talking about?
Stan: The magician with the ponytail?
Bill: Right. Well, he did his act, and every time he made something disappear, Vinny jumped on him. I mean, he nailed him! It was like, "it's in his pocket", or "he's palming it", you know? Or, "there's a mirror under the table." I mean, he was like, he was like, "wait a second, wait a second, it's joined in the middle, and there's a spring around it, it pops it open when it's inside the tube." It was like Alakazam's worst nightmare. Vinny was just being Vinny. He was just being the quintessential Gambini.

In here there's some money. Get some clothiong, toothpaste, deodorant, personal effects, whatever have you. Take a shower! Wash your ass!

Spivey

Jewel: Luiz is a bulldog?
Luiz: You got anything against bulldogs?
Jewel: Only the ones that slobber on me.
Luiz: It's a medical condition!

I promised your mom before she passed that I'm gonna keep you safe.

Cade Yeager

[on the phone] And I said, I don't care if they lay me off either, because I told, I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I'm, I'm quitting, I'm going to quit. And, and I told Don too, because they've moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were merry, but then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn't bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and it's not okay because if they take my stapler then I'll set the building on fire...

Milton

Jason Bourne: Who has a safety deposit box full of... money and six passports and a gun? Who has a bank account number in their hip? I come in here, and the first thing I'm doing is I'm catching the sightlines and looking for an exit.
Marie: I see the exit sign, too, I'm not worried. I mean, you were shot. People do all kinds of weird and amazing stuff when they are scared.

I am saying, Vanessa, that even crazy people like to be asked.

Virginia Woolf

[handing Peter her wedding ring] Your Uncle Ben gave me this ring when he proposed to me. Use it to make her yours...

Aunt May

Major Tom Baxter: I want to talk to General Kramer.
General Hummel: You've been asked by an old friend.
Major Tom Baxter: Put him on the phone right now.
General Hummel: You're being ordered by a superior officer.
Major Tom Baxter: This is Major Baxter...!
General Hummel: [draws] Now you're being given your last chance by a man with a gun. Put the phone down.

You ain't the future o' shit, bitch. You're just David fuckin' Porter.

B. Rabbit

Mikey, DJ interviewer: How do you think this new record compares to your old, classic stuff?
Billy Mack: Oh come on Mikey, you know as well as I do the record's crap. But wouldn't it be great if number one this Christmas wasn't some smug teenager but an old ex-heroin addict searching for a comeback at any price? Those young popsters come Christmas will be stretched out naked with a cute bird balancing on their balls and I'll be stuck in some dingy flat with me manager Joe, ugliest man in the world, fucking miserable because our fucking gamble didn't pay off. So if you believe in Father Christmas, children, like your Uncle Billy does, buy my festering turd of a record. And particularly enjoy the incredible crassness of the moment when we try to squeeze an extra syllable into the fourth line.
Mikey, DJ interviewer: I think you're referring to "If you really love Christmas..."
Billy Mack: "Come on and let it snow." Ouch.

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