[singing] Wilkommen, bienvenue, welcome, im cabaret, au cabaret, to cabaret!

Master of Ceremonies

I didn't call you because we were in trouble... okay, we were in a pickle. But it wouldn't be the first time a had to fast talk my way out of a jam! I called you because you needed us.

Jedediah

Frank Pizzarro: Harris says I know where you're hiding.
Jack Ryan: First of all, I'm not really hiding. Second of all, you would never tell him where I was hiding because you're my friend, right?

Sally Albright: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.
Harry Burns: I guess not.
Sally Albright: That's too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York.

Trina: You belong in the kitchen.
Angela: And you belong on the corner. Need a pimp?

[narrating] Being suspended is like getting a paid vacation. Why do they think it's a punishment? It's like your dog pees on the carpet and you give him a treat. Then you get in trouble for skipping school, it's sooo stupid! Hendricks told me, "One more time" and I'd be expelled. Sounded good to me.

Tammy Metzler

Oh, you are the loveliest girls that ever I set eyes on. Can you not get them married, Mrs. Dashwood?

Mrs Jennings

You three-headed shape-shifting son-of-a-bitch.

Jonathan Carnahan

There's no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?

Elaine Dickinson

After all, I am a ticking time bomb of fury.

Mr. Furious

Yeah, Silent Bob, your a rude motherfucker, you know that? But you're cute has hell. I could go down on you, suck you, line up three other guys and make like a circus seal.

Jay

[after hearing that his wife's been cheating on him] I couldn't hear you. There was a crack in the planet. WOW... that was noisy!

John Clasky

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