[on the phone] And I said, I don't care if they lay me off either, because I told, I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I'm, I'm quitting, I'm going to quit. And, and I told Don too, because they've moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were merry, but then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn't bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and it's not okay because if they take my stapler then I'll set the building on fire...


Once more, the Sith will rule the galaxy, and we shall have peace.

Darth Sidious

Mayor Kate Hennings: [smacks mosquito] One down, a six million to go.
Earl Smooter: Careful, you just killed the state bird of Alabama!

One more word and I'll hide your stash.

Cam Wexler

One often meets his destiny on the road he takes to avoid it.


["One Toke Over the Line" is playing on the radio] One toke? You poor fool! Wait till you see those goddamn bats.

Raoul Duke

Only dream I ever have... is the surface of the sun... everytime I shut my eyes... it's always the same.


Only one is a wanderer; two together are always going somewhere.


Danielle: Ooh, boxers.
Matthew: I always wear boxers. You just caught me on a weird day.

Oop... I almost forgot. I won't be able to make it fellas. Veronica and I trying this new fad called uh, jogging. I believe it's jogging or yogging. it might be a soft j. I'm not sure but apparently you just run for an extended period of time. It's supposed to be wild.

Ron Burgundy

[over the CB] All right, listen up guys. 'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, except for the four assholes coming in the rear in standard two-by-two cover formation.


Paul Allen has mistaken me for this dickhead Marcus Halberstram. It seems logical because Marcus also works at P&P and in fact does the same exact thing I do and he also has a penchant for Valentino suits and Oliver Peoples glasses. Marcus and I even go to the same barber, although I have a slightly better haircut.

Patrick Bateman

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