Stacy: Happy anniversary, Wayne.
Wayne Campbell: Stacy, we broke up two months ago.
Stacy: Well, that doesn't mean we can't still go out, does it?
Wayne Campbell: Well, it does actually, that's what breaking up is.

Melissa: You know what? I'm not even going to talk to you. Would you please leave.
Ace Ventura: Why? So you can beat him?
[talking about Melissa's dog]
Ace Ventura: Fatty.
Melissa: You're unbelievable. Hiring you was the biggest mistake I ever made.
Ace Ventura: Well, why don't you cry about it. Saddlebags.

Tom Fox: He doesn't have a passport.
Carl Hanratty: For the last six months, he's gone to Harvard and Berkeley. I'm betting he can get a passport.

I'm on their blacklist - their roll of honor!

Rick

If you're afraid of getting a rotten apple, don't go to the barrel. Get it off the tree.

Malone

There has to be a mathematical explanation for how bad that tie is.

Nash

Sam Baldwin: What is "tiramisu"?
Jay: You'll find out.
Sam Baldwin: Well, what is it?
Jay: You'll see!
Sam Baldwin: Some woman is gonna want me to do it to her and I'm not gonna know what it is!

When man comes up against something he can't destroy, he destroys himself instead.

Marlow

But if I'm going to have my own law firm by the time I'm 30, I need a boyfriend who's not such a complete bonehead.

Elle

Roy: Look at you!
Chon Wang: Look at you!
Roy: What brings you to New York?
Chon Wang: My share of the gold.
Roy: Refresh my memory. What gold are we talking about?

[to Anna, who put her feet on his sled] Whoa, whoa, whoa, put your feet down. This is fresh lacquer. Seriously, were you raised in a barn?

Kristoff

We missed you at the wedding. It was really classy. We had a Styx cover band, and a nacho fountain.

Cal Naughton Jr

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