Shtarker: Too bad about all the dead movie stars.
Siegfried: Yes. What will we do without their razor-sharp political advice.

Jacob: [to Lou] I have some Ativan but it's different.
Lou: Well, let's stick it up our asses!
Jacob: It's not a suppository!
Lou: It doesn't matter. You crush it up, put it in a paper towel, run it under some warm water, and you stick it right up your ass. That works!

Shaun: What are you doing lying there?
Lance: Oh, my parole officer wants to give me a drug test and I need your urine... can I score some of your piss?
Shaun: Yeah.
Lance: Awesome, man.

Hey! If you want to see this seventh card you're gonna stop speakin' fuckin' Sputnick.

Worm

I thought we'd stay together for the long haul, flying like a jumbo jet on a full tank. But we changed course.

Cop663

Rowdy Burns: You run good.
Cole Trickle: Thank you.
Rowdy Burns: Now go get your own car and we'll see how you do in a crowd.

Never take it seriously, you never get hurt. Never get hurt, you can always have fun. And if you ever get lonely, you just go to the record store and visit all your friends.

Penny Lane

Cal: [David and Cal Playing a video Game] You're *gay* now?
David: No, I'm not gay I'm just celibate.
Cal: I think? I mean, that sounds ga- I just want you to know this is like the first conversation of like three conversations that leads to you being gay. Like... there's this and then in a year it's like, "Oh you know, I kinda wanna, ya know, get back out there but I think I like guys" and then there's the big, "Oh I'm I'm a g-gay guy now".
David: You're gay for saying that.
Cal: I'm gay for saying that?
David: You know how I know you're gay?
Cal: How? How do you know I'm gay?
David: Because you macramed yourself a pair of jean shorts.
Cal: You know how I know *you're* gay? You just told me you're not sleeping with women any more.
David: You know how I know that you're gay?
Cal: How? Cuz you're gay? and you can tell who other gay people are.
David: You know how I know you're gay?
Cal: How?
David: You like Coldplay.

Walter Stratford: My insurance does not cover PMS!
Kat Stratford: Well then, tell them I had a seizure.

Bunny Caldwell: How dare you treat me with such disrespect! I got you off the streets and this is how you repay me?
Ronald Clifford: Got me off the streets? I live on 59th and Park!
Bunny Caldwell: Whatever!

If I were thinking clearly, Leonard, I would tell you that I wrestle alone in the dark, in the deep dark, and that only I can know. Only I can understand my condition. You live with the threat, you tell me you live with the threat of my extinction. Leonard, I live with it too.

Virginia Woolf

Jake Green: I am rich. Seriously fucking rich.
Jake Green: Now I'm richer. A lot fucking richer.

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