Charlie: So, how'd it go?
Terry: He up on the roof.
Charlie: The "pigeon"?
Terry: Uh, yeah, it worked.

Jack Wyatt: Let's make love in a hot-air balloon - let's make love in a candy factory - let's make love in a petting zoo...
Isabel Bigelow: I have to undo this...
Jack Wyatt: Let's make love at Sea World on the back of a killer whale!

Dr. Nelson Guggenheim: We're putting you on what we call sudden death academic probation.
Max Fischer: And what does that entail?
Dr. Nelson Guggenheim: It entails that if you fail another class, you'll be asked to leave Rushmore.
Max Fischer: In other words, I'll be expelled.
Dr. Nelson Guggenheim: That's correct.
Max Fischer: Can I see some documentation on that, please?
[Guggenheim hands him his transcript]
Dr. Nelson Guggenheim: Too many extracurricular activities, Max. Not enough studying
Max Fischer: Dr. Guggenheim, I don't want to tell you how to do your job. But the fact is, no matter how hard I try, I still might flunk another class. If that means I have to stay on for a post-graduate year, so be it...
Dr. Nelson Guggenheim: We don't offer a post-graduate year.
Max Fischer: Well, we don't offer it yet.


Daniel Moskowitz
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Oh Ellen, the old west was dirty. Everything isn't like home. If everything were like home, there would be no reason for leaving home. Right, Rusty?


Let's hear for my band, Sexual Chocolate.

Randy Watson

Morgue Worker: Hey. You're supposed to do that at the morgue.
John McClane: Not anymore. Got a new SOP for DOA's from the FAA.

You can't hurt me anymore!

The Cabinet Lady

Gandalf: Frodo has passed beyond my sight. The darkness is deepening.
Aragorn: If Sauron had the Ring, we would know it.
Gandalf: It's only a matter of time.

Ricky Bobby: Nobody plays jazz at The Pit Stop!
Jean Girrard: Then why is the song on the jukebox?
Bartender: We keep it on there for profiling purposes. We also have the Pet Shop Boys and Seal.

Ms. Perky: Patrick Verona. I see we're making our visits a weekly ritual.
Patrick: Only so we can have these moments together. Should I, uh, hit the lights?
Ms. Perky: Oh, very clever, kangaroo boy. Says here you exposed yourself in the cafeteria?
Patrick: I was joking with the lunch lady. It was a bratwurst.
Ms. Perky: Bratwurst? Aren't we the optimist? Next time, keep it in your pouch, okay? Scoot!

Coakley: That girl in the black is checking you out.
Fred: The one who looks like the chief from Cuckoo's Nest?
Coakley: No, the one sitting next to her.

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