Ulysses Everett McGill: It ain't the law!
Sheriff Cooley: The law? The law is a human institution.

[Linda opens the door while he is jerking off] Jeez. Doesn't anyone fucking knock any more?

Brad Hamilton

Jing-a-lang, jang-a-lang...

Doc

Just put your pickle on everybody's plate college boy and leave the hard stuff to me.

Johnny

Christopher: Knock knock.
Christopher Gardner: Who's there?
Christopher: Nobody.
Christopher Gardner: Nobody who?
Christopher: [silent]
Christopher Gardner: Nobody who?
Christopher: [silent]
Christopher Gardner: A-ha-ha, that's a good one, I like that!

Dan: Knock, knock.
Drey: Who's there?
Dan: The Interrupting Cow.
Drey: The Interrupting Cow, who?
Dan: [realizing he's blown the joke] ... Moooooo.
Drey: [laughing] That was horrible!

Look, spaghetti arms. This is my dance space. This is your dance space. I don't go into yours, you don't go into mine. You gotta hold the frame.

Johnny

Man that ball got outta here in a hurry. I mean anything travels that far oughta have a damn stewardess on it, don't you think?

Crash Davis

Skylar: Maybe we could go out for coffee sometime?
Will: Great, or maybe we could go somewhere and just eat a bunch of caramels.
Skylar: What?
Will: When you think about it, it's just as arbitrary as drinking coffee.

[to Wilbur] Mister, you are grounded... until you die.

Franny

Brooke: My sister has been through a lot...
Gary: ...of dick!

Napoleon, you know we can't afford the fun pack. What, do you think money grows on trees in this family? Take it back! And get some Pampers for you and your brother while you're at it.

Uncle Rico

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