I don't need a nicotine patch, I smoke cigarettes.

Karen Eiffel

Percy: Where are we?
Inez: This is Little Havana.
Percy: Like in Grand Theft Auto?

Still crazy fucking Joey.

Carl Fogaty

Chunk: How's this?
Mikey: Oh, you idiot! You glued it on upside-down!
Brandon Walsh: If God made it that way, you'd all be pissing in your faces!
Chunk: Looks fine to me.

Look at you, swanning around like you're Al Capone.

Forrest Bondurant

[pretending to sound genuine] Yup, those goofy bastards are about the best thing I've got going.

Pat Healy

Claire: You know, you look a lot better without all that black shit under your eyes.
Allison Reynolds: Hey, I like all that black shit... Why are you being so nice to me?
Claire: Because you're letting me.

A.J.: Good night, Mr. President.
President Andrew Shepherd: A.J.?
A.J.: Yes, sir?
President Andrew Shepherd: When we're out of the office, and alone, you can call me Andy.
A.J.: I beg your pardon, sir?
President Andrew Shepherd: You were the best man at my wedding, for crying out loud. Call me Andy.
A.J.: Whatever you say, Mr. President.

Randy: You wanta know the truth?
Lt. Col. Frank Slade: You got a handle on that, do you, Randy?
Randy: He was an asshole before.
Lt. Col. Frank Slade: Whoo-ah!
Randy: Now all he is is a blind asshole.
Lt. Col. Frank Slade: Whoo-ah.
Randy: Hey, God's a funny guy.
Lt. Col. Frank Slade: God doth have a sense of humor.
Randy: Maybe God thinks some people don't deserve to see.
Lt. Col. Frank Slade: Whoo-ah. Hah!

You want to find an outlaw, hire an outlaw. You want to find a Dunkin' Donuts, call a cop.

Leonard Smalls

You shoulda kissed her Dave. She wanted you.

Alvin

Beaumont: Man, you must be out of your fuckin' mind if you think I'm gonna get in this dirty-ass trunk.
Ordell Robbie: We ain't going nowhere but to Koreatown, man. You ain't gonna be locked in here no more than ten minutes.
Beaumont: I ain't ridin' in no trunk for no minute, man.

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